Quite Possibly the Ugliest Thing In Existence

While walking my dogs in my neighborhood, minding my own business, I beheld a sight of singular revulsion. I stood transfixed by the horror. Click on the thumbs if you dare.

What an abomination! Let me break it down, deconstruct this appalling thing, if you will. For starters, it's a Hummer: to me, the vehicle represents the rape and wanton disregard of our planet, and conspicuous consumption at its worst. That's bad enough.

Moreover, this ugly SUV prominently features the Pepsi product logo, which brings to my mind a "no-choice" choice. Coke or Pepsi? Republican or Democrat? Not a very broad selection from which to choose. A fact I don't like being reminded of, thank you very much. Incidentally, it has a "Broom for Senate" theme plastered throughout. I have no idea of Broom's party affiliation, but it is a safe bet that this person will not be getting my vote.

Also featured: Bud Light. That recalls my consciousness to the continual watering down to the point of unrecognizability that which is strong and interesting and possessed of character. I want some good beer, dammat! Not this cheap, tasteless swill!

Most prominently featured: the Hooters logo and girls. OK, I'm strongly in favor of scantily-clad women. But this is just grotesque. To have women reduced to sex-object status for the purpose of selling bad food is more than I can stomach. At least in a strip club there's no dopey pretense. And there is less hot wing sauce on the patrons.

Still more, it's bad art! It reminds me of those creepy custom vans of the 1970s. Looking closer, I find that the women on the back of the truck are actually Paris and Nicole! EEWW! MY EYES! I'M MELTING! Chrissakes, is there no sanctuary, not even in my own neighborhood?!?

Castle Mania

My daughter had a school project for history due today - build a model of a castle. Why is this such a big deal, you may ask? Well, here's a little background: I am a nerd. I am passionate about history, and I have fairly extensive experience in making crafts and building models. So when my son had this exact same project three years ago, I coached him into building a fantastic fortress. It was well-proportioned, intricately detailed, and meticulously painted and landscaped. By many accounts, it was easily the best one in the class. According to the teacher, however, it lacked certain minor features that we felt were unrealistic for a castle of that size and era. And there was no room for those features, given the project's recommended scale, which we used! He ended up with a mere B+ on the project. That really chapped my ass.

Fast forward to now. My daughter and I, both informed and enraged by this eariler outcome, were determined to outdo that castle. My daughter in particular, currently maintaining a better-than-4.0 GPA (due to the weighting of honors classes), wanted to ace the project. But she was hampered by design-anxiety, because the castle could be no greater than 14"x18," yet it had to possess a great deal of detail. The instructions suggested a scale of one inch for every six to ten feet, or about 1:108 scale. If you've made any study of models, that scale should be a red flag - it's for smaller things, like ships and rockets, not a large castle or fortress. Again, my son used it for his model, and look where that got him. So we abandoned that in favor of a more reasonable one inch to twenty-five feet, or about 1:285 scale.

Finally last Wednesday she had more or less finalized her design, and Thursday night we visited Home Depot to purchase our materials. We spent two hours there, browsing everything imaginable to find the right objects from which to build the castle. We spent more money than I'd care to mention. Damn kids, taking up my resources!

Anyway, I spent the entire weekend, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, coaxing her through the process of building the model. I helped her with some of the key details - the gatehouses, for example. I also cut the wood with the chop saw from her measurements (if it weren't so last-minute, I would have taken the time to teach her how to use the saw safely herself). Anyway, after many discussions, modifications, disagreements, failures, tears, and hugs, not to mention much hard work, the castle is complete. Click below for a larger image. And if she doesn't get an "A" on this project, I invite you to come kick her teacher's ass with me. It'll be my last act! My daughter made me promise that if she didn't get an "A," I'd commit seppuku.

Ownership

I read with interest a debate between GeistX of CubeZoo and DAV of Evil Bobby. It seems DAV had some venting to do about the election of seven years ago, and decided to trot out the well-worn idea that Ralph Nader ruined the election for Al Gore in 2000, and therefore, those that voted for Nader in 2000 should shoulder some of the blame for George W. Bush's catastrophic administration.

I have mixed feelings about Ralph Nader. He is certainly not the selfless idealist his supporters portray him to be. And I was disappointed in him for running in 2004. I thought he and his message had pretty much fizzled. So I have a lot of sympathy for DAV's point of view. But in this discussion, I have to come down squarely on the side of GeistX.

Buried in DAV's argument about blame for Bush's "victory" in 2000 is an assumption that Gore somehow deserved the votes that went to Nader, and that Nader's strategy of attacking Gore from the left was unfair and inappropriate.

Note to democrats: you do not own the vote of the left! You, like all politicians, must earn each and every vote. If the speeches you make and the policies you propose and the issues you stump fail to inspire the majority of electorate, you lose! It's that simple. You have no one to blame but yourselves, for failing to build a coalition large enough for victory.

Now, I happen to agree with the folks who advocate a proportional representation system. I think it would make for a much broader, more robust democracy. But it's not the form of government we have. Our Constitution and many of our laws reinforce a two-party division of power. So any "coalition government" we can build has to take place within a single party.

One way to broaden the political discourse is to join the party that best represents your views and try to shape that party's platform from within. Doing this provides a strong chance that your party can win control of some branch of government. This is what DAV advocates. But it does not guarantee an uncompromised agenda. Quite the opposite: it all but insures that you will be coping with a watered-down implementation of your legislative plan.

Another way to broaden political discourse, equally valid and useful, is to join a third party. This severely limits your chances at electoral victory, but doing so gives a strong, clear voice to the issues that matter most to party members. If your party's message resonates with enough people, the dominant parties have to respond to those issues.

I want to point out that this describes a lot of the history of our two major parties: they have evolved in no small part because of third party organizing and agitation. Heck, right here in Minnesota, you need only recall the name of one party to know that this is true: Democratic-Farmer-Labor. The Farmer-Labor Party joined the Democratic Party to create the DFL. This is what GeistX implicitly understands: that a vote for a third-party is not a wasted vote, nor is it a vote for the candidate furthest from your own views. It is a principled act with a long-term goal.

Another note to democrats: crying foul over your opponents' tactics is a laughably feckless strategy! Republicans have had their gloves off for a long, long time. Gore's delayed, weak response to the turmoil following the 2000 election, and Kerry's effete campaign and tepid defense in the wake of Bush's attacks in 2004 bear witness to this sad reality. Democrats seem unwilling or unable to fight back, and waste precious energy on the two-headed dunces of in-fighting and hand-wringing. Guys, put up your dukes! It's time for some ass-kicking. There are real battles to be fought.

The Dems better start owning their victories, and owning their defeats, and forget the feeble idea that they somehow deserve anyone's vote. Ralph Nader did not put George W. Bush in office. Don't forget that over 50 million people voted for Bush in 2000. Democrats must fight harder to win votes, and show that they are the party of the left, the party of the people. They do not own us! The elections of 2006 left me with some hope. Let us see how things develop...

Jon Breaks It Down

Jon Stewart really is the man. In this two-minute interview, he makes sharp, incisive points about what he does, and pillories the charade that was Gonzales's testimony.

Saber Rattling Time

Listen bitch! Don't even try to put your missile shit up in my grille! You'd better back off with that bullshit! Or I'm fitting to back the fuck out of the Treaty on Conventional Armed Forces in Europe and things! Goddamn, motherfucker! Don't you be fucking with the Kremlin! We'll fuck that shit up! What's up Moscow!

Weekend by the Numbers

Number of birthday parties: 2
Number of dinners at home (out of three nights): 1
Total number of houseguests: 13
Loads of dishes done: 6
Loads of dishes left in sink: 1
Films seen: 1
Amount of time elapsed between scheduled start of film
      and actual start time: 37 minutes
Time spent at JC Penny's looking at purses: 15 minutes
Creatures slain: 3 (dragon turtle, zombie, werecrocodile)
Rank of Kasugai gummis, in deliciousness: 1
Sticks of butter stolen by pets: 1/2
Number of vodka martinis made: 4
Amount of whiskey in bread pudding, according to recipe: 1/2 cup
Actual amount of whiskey in bread pudding: 1 cup
Number of mohawks given to dogs: 1
Ice cream consumed in gallons: 3/4
Six packs of beer acquired for weekend gathering: 2
Six packs of beer remaining after weekend gathering: 2.667
Hours spent cleaning: 10
Satisfaction with cleanliness of house, scale of 1-10: 5
Cups of rice cooked: 4
Cups of rice served: 0
Books purchased: 3
Books read: 0
Number of walks: 2
Chance encounters at grocery store: 1
Number of naps desired: 2
Number of naps taken: 0
Overall satisfaction with weekend, scale of 1-10: 8
Number of naps needed to make weekend a 10: 2

Nerd Knight

Some men play poker, some go to strip clubs. There are men who hunt and fish, while others go to ball games. Still others just sit in their buddy's garage drinking beer. Me? I play D&D. I get a fair amount of flak for this in some quarters. So be it. A man's gotta have a hobby or two. There are worse things I could be doing.

Besides, Fjolnir rules! The character I'm currently running is a classic dwarven fighter: an immovable cube of force dispensing justice with a cleave of his war axe. Damn he's a badass. And he's such an archetype he practically plays himself. But no matter. It's a simple pleasure to smite evildoers in the game world. My last character was kind of a pansy (in fact, he was literally a type of fairy known as a grig), so it's been fun to play a character who can really lay some wood on the bad guys.

Our gaming group is a tender one. We gather twice a month around six in the evening, and we make a feast for one another. It's so domestic! We're not really a beer and pretzels group of fellas. We eat like kings, keeping a fine table with all manner of victuals and sundries. Then we discuss world events and popular culture, and we settle in to play about eight o'clock.

The night is filled with frequent arguments, digressions, and endless comic relief. And more food. Not to mention plenty of gas. Hey, boys will be boys. The whole experience is a welcome reprieve from the mundane world of thankless work and unwholesome compromise. I'm looking forward to it again this weekend. Get your nerd on!