Monday, April 30, 2007

Quite Possibly the Ugliest Thing In Existence

While walking my dogs in my neighborhood, minding my own business, I beheld a sight of singular revulsion. I stood transfixed by the horror. Click on the thumbs if you dare.

What an abomination! Let me break it down, deconstruct this appalling thing, if you will. For starters, it's a Hummer: to me, the vehicle represents the rape and wanton disregard of our planet, and conspicuous consumption at its worst. That's bad enough.

Moreover, this ugly SUV prominently features the Pepsi product logo, which brings to my mind a "no-choice" choice. Coke or Pepsi? Republican or Democrat? Not a very broad selection from which to choose. A fact I don't like being reminded of, thank you very much. Incidentally, it has a "Broom for Senate" theme plastered throughout. I have no idea of Broom's party affiliation, but it is a safe bet that this person will not be getting my vote.

Also featured: Bud Light. That recalls my consciousness to the continual watering down to the point of unrecognizability that which is strong and interesting and possessed of character. I want some good beer, dammat! Not this cheap, tasteless swill!

Most prominently featured: the Hooters logo and girls. OK, I'm strongly in favor of scantily-clad women. But this is just grotesque. To have women reduced to sex-object status for the purpose of selling bad food is more than I can stomach. At least in a strip club there's no dopey pretense. And there is less hot wing sauce on the patrons.

Still more, it's bad art! It reminds me of those creepy custom vans of the 1970s. Looking closer, I find that the women on the back of the truck are actually Paris and Nicole! EEWW! MY EYES! I'M MELTING! Chrissakes, is there no sanctuary, not even in my own neighborhood?!?


DAV said...

Yeah in Columbia, SC they had a Moe's southwest grill. They would show up to cater events in a hummer painted like a Moe's resteraunt. One girl I know was so offended by the hummer that she vowed to never eat at Moe's again. I asked her if the only thing I had to do to get her to leave me a alone was a hummer?

You are now on my blog roll Night O Nuttin'. I will be at Drinking Liberally on Thursday evening in the Cities. SO this is one of your chances to have a beer purchased by me.

Knight of Nothing said...

Thanks for the add, DAV. I'm happy to reciprocate.

Thursday, huh? Whereabouts?