Ten Years

Maybe writing this blog will make me a better writer. Or maybe this space will become just another bit of litter on the garbage-laden information stupor highway. --Knight of Nothing, January 2007

Ten years ago this week, I hung out my shingle in the blogosphere, and the result lies somewhere between these two predictions. I've split the difference!

Here are the top ten posts as of 1/4/2017, by traffic:

The (Losing) Arguments Against Same-Sex Marriage
Sep 5, 2012; 40 comments; 5348 page views

Far and away the most popular post I ever wrote, this essay was posted on social media and subsequently widely shared and discussed. It was the closest I ever came to going viral. Still pretty proud of this post and what it represents. Hoping to prevent any backsliding now in 2017, and I'll be working to prevent it in the coming year.

Katniss Everdeen: Feminist Icon, or Yet Another Sexist Stereotype?
Nov 22, 2013; no comments; 1706 page views

A quote post. Most of the traffic for this piece is probably due to hot keywords ("Katniss" & "feminism") and a contrarian point of view.

Somewhere In My Soul There's Always Rock And Roll
May 14, 2007; 4 comments; 1300 page views

A snapshot of what was in rotation on my CD player in the Spring of 2007.

From The "Monkey Grabs Woman's Breast" Dept.
Jan 6, 2009; 1 comment; 775 page views

Here we see evidence that lowbrow humor is apparently popular on the internet. Who knew? Fun fact: after "knight of nothing," the top keyword search used to find my blog is "monkey grabs boob." I wish this wasn't in the top ten, but oh well.

Catholics and Gay Marriage
Jul 17, 2012; 10 comments; 748 page views

Another serious post from 2012. In some ways, this essay is better than my more popular post on the subject: it is more focused and personal.

'300' Minus 299
Nov 19, 2007; 7 comments; 698 page views

By the time I wrote this movie review, I was mostly going for humor. Early on, though, I entertained the possibility of evolving into a film reviewer. And why not? Blogging seemed so easy in that first year: after only two months of writing this blog, I was actually contacted by a marketing person from one of the films I reviewed. I thought I might just hit the big time as a writer. Ha ha! Oh, to be so young as that again. (P.S., I liked that film, but the review is a poorly written mess.)

Goodbye, Little Friend
Nov 7, 2013; 9 comments; 505 page views

A post about my love/hate relationship with my dog, who was hit by a car.

Hillary Clinton Is Trustworthy
Jul 26, 2016; no comments; 448 page views

A link post. Wish it had made a bigger impression in Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin.

10,000 Burpees: Day One
Apr 1, 2011; 6 comments; 344 page views

Nuff said.

The Myth of the Self-Made Man, Debunked Again
Oct 21, 2013; 5 comments; 325 page views

Remember when Ted Cruz was everywhere in 2013? God, that guy was insufferable, and it turns out that the apple didn't fall far from the tree, because his dad is just as bad. It is small comfort that he's now on bended knee to President-elect Trump.

***

I was going to dig through the archives to round up a few of my favorite posts, but I'll save that for another day.

Things Are Getting Pretty Meta...

...not that I mind. It's pretty perfect, actually.

The Strange, Capricious Eye Of The Internet

Before last year, two of the top three posts on this blog were my review of Beowulf (because it contained a link to a picture of Angelina Jolie's naked CG body) and a decidedly lowbrow one-off "nothing to talk about today" post (that featured a picture of a chimp groping a woman). Hmm... I guess maybe the internet's eye isn't so capricious after all.

At any rate, not exactly my best work.

That changed late last year. Thanks to the magic of social media, one of my posts on gay marriage in Minnesota went viral during election season, and from it, I got more traffic in that month than I had had in the previous five years of this blog. It was great! I got a lot of positive feedback from it, and there was even an honest and engaging debate in the comments as well. Good times.

I'm still pretty proud of that post, and here's why: right before the election, I saw it re-posted by a stranger. A blue-collar, salt-of-the Earth fellow from rural Minnesota shared a link to it with a challenge to read it and not be changed. As if that wasn't enough, even better was that beneath his post, there was a beautiful thank you message from his daughter. That was very humbling and it brought a tear to my eye. It still does.

Since then, my blog has mostly returned to its former modest traffic levels. But I'll keep writing, because it's good fun. And maybe someday I'll move someone again. I know that the effort is worth it.

An Open Letter In Which I Respond To An Angry Old White Man Abusing The Interwebs

I get it - you're angry. Really angry. Angry about immigrants. Angry that the economy isn't doing all that well. Angry about the Affordable Care Act. And most of all, angry that we have a brown president with a foreign-sounding name.

But that's kind of the point, isn't it?

You keep using the phrase "your world," as if you and I don't live in the same country, and as if your taxes don't go to the same government that mine do. Guess what? We live in the same country and pay for the same government, and we both get things that we want and things that we do not want. Learn to deal with it.

I suppose in a way, you're right: we don't live in the same world. I live in a world that I call "reality." It has verifiable facts, sources, evidence. It has nuance and subtlety, and one side is rarely one-hundred percent "right" about anything. From it I derive a sense of proportion about what is important.

Honest people may disagree with my conclusions. But you aren't honest: you live in a terrifying and mythological world of narcissism and wounded pride. If you weren't such an angry person, whose relentless stream of fact-free messages contain thinly-disguised race-baiting, a palpable hatred of strong women, and most of all, an unsavory thirst for belligerence and violence, I'd feel sorry for you.

You're not going to solve any problems. You're part of the plan and you're playing an essential role in perpetuating our nation's problems. For you and people like you, debating issues isn't the point, and facts don't matter. The hate and the fight are the only things. It's your side, the "real America," against "them," whoever "they" are.

I have my own criticisms of President Obama. Who knows, together we may have been able to find common ground. From this common ground, we might have presented a unified front to those in power and thus have some small influence on national policy. But as it stands, you've been completely co-opted by hate and anger, and as citizens, we are less able to make any changes to the status quo.

Keep hating - that's exactly what your puppet masters want. You're fighting for the wheel of the clown car *against yourself.*

I Can't Wake Up For This Bullsh*t

I've mostly been hitting the snooze bar on Benghazi, because it is exhausting to try and keep up with the shifting narrative - the "scandal" amounts to a tragedy from which House Republicans and other loonies hope to make political hay. Eight months of fucking that chicken and nothing to show for it. Give it a rest, fellas!

That said, this article actually did catch my eye, and it is worth a read for its clear-headed and sobering analysis of where the House of Representatives may well end up during Obama's second term.

The End?

I'm exhausted. Completely tapped out, creatively speaking. I don't know how real writers do it; apparently I am not one. I suppose could continue to riff upon current events and post "witty" comments about internet detritus, but that feels really worn and old these days.

Last night at a work function (a team dinner), my manager spoke about seeing Anthony Bourdain give a lecture. "Nice work if you can get it, just standing up there and telling stories," she joked. "Ya, the only trick is having something to say that people will pay money to hear," I replied half-heartedly. Right now, I don't even want to read what I have to say for free :-)

See you later.

A Long Absence

Hi.

After alternatively avoiding and forgetting about this space for a long while, I find that I am at last drawn back to it. After all, I still aspire to be a better writer. But how to sum up the last six months and more? A lot has happened: I got engaged, bought a house, help move my fiancee across country, served as a juror on a murder case, read several books, lost more hair, started a workout program... any one of these things could be fine material for a whole series of entries.

Rather than trying to wax poetic about these events right now, I'll just say that more is on the way. Happy Holidays.

My So-Called Blog

Jeez. May 2009 is shaping up to be my weakest month ever as a blogger. I'd better shape up! It's not like I haven't experienced anything blogworthy. I've just been really lazy about getting over here and writing something about it. In the last two months I got engaged (!), took a trip to Austin, TX, started to chip away at my summer movie list, and finished a few books. I turned 40 just last week. Hell, I even had the most incredible dining experience of my life. Time to get back to the old blog! Just as soon as I finish this box of milk duds.

All Right...

...I apologize for that last post. It is pretty goddamn ham-handed. But these days, short of donning black cowls and sporting moustaches, could the bad guys be any more obvious?

Plus, I like the phrase "dirty fucking hippies."

The Man-Machine

I might possibly be getting stranger. Or perhaps I have adult onset OCD. I noticed today with some embarrassment that I always sit on the east side of the bus. When I am going north to work, I seat myself on the passenger's side of the bus. When I am southbound and returning home, I seat myself on the driver's side of the bus. This is compulsive, unconscious behavior that I am at a loss to explain. Why do I it? How long have I been doing it? Why did I notice it this morning? Weird.

Pseudointellectual Property

After living with my mom for almost a year, I finally have my own place. But now that I'm moving in, I'm beginning to realize just how few practical possessions I have. I have many games, books, comics, CDs, DVDs, tapes, LPs, posters, and miniatures, as well as two musical instruments, two computers, and other hobbyist equipment. But I have almost nothing in the way of bookshelves, towels, flatware, bed sheets, or things to sit on.

I'd better get to work on that.

Is Blogging Even Good For You Anymore?

So I have a blog. So what. Big deal. Apparently 185.6 million other people do too, give or take. That probably doesn't even include people who write blogs on MySpace or Facebook.

I've been traversing the blogosphere the past couple of days. It is vast, vast, vast. Humblingly so. And whenever I start looking I can't seem to stop! I get lost in there. It can go on for a few weeks like this: following links and hop-scotching around the internets. Of course there is an endless supply of banality and worse, but in truth I am continually astonished at how many folks are churning out funny observations and insightful commentary for friends, acquaintances, perfect strangers, or even just for themselves. There is some really good writing out there, published and distributed for free and available to anyone with a computer and a desire to find it. It actually makes me sad to think of all the interesting self-published work I'm missing, simply because I don't know about it.

When I first started writing online, within two months I was contacted by a movie promoter who forwarded my review to the director of the film she was promoting! That distorted my sense of scale of the web: I thought, "damn I'm good! There ain't nothin' to this blogging! I'm gonna network and meet the right people and I'll be making money off of writing in no time!"

Ha! I have sobered up since then. It turned out that the "movie promoter" was little more than an intern seeking out the online buzz surrounding the small Icelandic film on which she worked. And looking back on it, my "review" actually kind of sucked - it wasn't even a full-on review, more of a writing exercise for the day. I think my film studies professors would have been disappointed.

Fast forward to today. Obviously I've long since come to understand how enormous the world of weblogs is. But more than that, I now appreciate that keeping a blog isn't easy, keeping it fresh and lively is still more difficult, and generating interest and holding an audience, well... You get the idea.

My point in rambling on today is to re-affirm the reason I'm here: to become a better writer, and to read and interact with other writers. That is a far more manageable and enjoyable goal.

Dead Letter Office

Over the year and a half that I have writing a blog, I have accumulated over thirty drafts that await publication, revision, or deletion. I really ought to do something about these orphans.

There are many reasons why I abandon a piece. Most often, I read the post and find it to be lacking in interest, humor, factual research, or passion. Other times I leave it because I find a piece that says what I was going to write, usually with more elegance (there are a lot of good writers out there!). There are times when I hesitate, and then the subject becomes no longer topical. Then there are those occasions when I simply forgot what my point was, or I have just plain run out of gas that day.

So what do other writers do when they start an essay but run into these sorts of roadblocks? Or do they simply avoid them altogether before they begin a post? Do most writers finish every essay that they begin? I invite you to share experiences and opinions in dealing with these questions.

Does Anyone Else Think This Is Annoying?

Two days in a row now, I've caught the 8:39 bus to work. The driver of this route is in the habit of announcing each stop. Which is fine, that's great. It's like complying with ADA standards or something. Except she announces the time too. "Twelfth Street, 8:47. Eleventh, still 8:47. Tenth, 8:48. Ninth Street. 8:49..." and so on. SHUT UP ALREADY! I DON'T NEED TO HEAR THE GODDAMN TIME EVERY THIRTY SECONDS!

Jeezus.

Anecdote

So last night I went out with some co-workers for dinner. Affable folks, I have no quarrel with them. Afterward I walked down to another bar to meet some of the lads, as is my wont on Thursday evenings. We had a grand old time, carrying on like fools. Ahh, my people! Love them. Sadly, I had some things to finish at work, and I wanted to get home at a reasonable hour, so we parted company around 9:45 or so.

So I hoofed it back to the office and got my shizot squared. At that point it was like 11:30 or so. I walked over to the bus stop, kind of cursing myself that I didn't stop at the cash machine so I could take a cab home. I was standing on the corner reading City Pages.

After a while, a car stops at the light and some guys start trying to talk to me. "Hi there..." and so on. I ignore them. They keep talking at me. Wait a minute, they are fucking cat-calling me! I finally look up and the one nearest to me says "nice package." WTF? I say, "Sorry, not interested." Then the light turned green and they drove away.

The end.

For Fuck's Sake

Enough already! I'm writing! Nevermind that I started with nothing to write about. I'm sitting here typing words that appear as I push the buttons. It's really quite remarkable that my fingers know where to find the letters to type even when I have nothing to say.

I could write about those bastards over at Blackwater. Nah, others have done that already. Or muse over taking a wide-stance in the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport. Nope, too easy. Post a review of Superbad? It was super good. But nay, that needs to be experienced. McLovin will tell you what time it is. I watched Bionic Woman tonight, that wasn't half-bad. Probably because it had half the cast of Battlestar Galactica. Ooh, I can't wait for season four. Even if season three kinda sucked...

Hmm. Maybe I should go back to having writer's block.

Writer's Block?

All of the sudden, click! Nothing. I've sat down a few times this week with the intention of posting some new content here, but the words are just not pouring out of me like they usually do. Perhaps I have finally exhausted my store of reserve ideas built up over the last twenty years, and now I need some time to incubate new ones.

I should confess that I have spent a lot of intellectual capital at work this week. I cannot recommend that, really: it offers a poor return on investment for most people in corporate America. And if you are like me you need to protect those assets! Anyway, it is possible that these expenditures have interrupted the natural flow of thoughts into posts on this humble space.

Whatever the reason, I'm sitting here, thinking about what to write. Ideas welcome.

Ketchup

Wow, keeping up with the blogosphere is a lot of work! I took a week off and I find that I'm woefully over-matched by the mountain of data that has appeared. I hate to miss anything! I don't know how I'm going to find the time to get up to speed on all of the news-sites and blogs I frequent. How do other people do it? I'll try my best to get up-to-date.

Movie Roundup

A couple of weeks ago I rented a bunch of DVDs from the video store, but I never got around to writing about any of them. I've had this draft sitting in my list of unpublished posts ever since. Sigh. I wanna put something down and move on, so in forty-three words or less, here they are:

1. Stranger than Fiction - A funny and poignant tale of a man trying to live life more fully and break out of his mold. Will Ferrell was terrific in this role. My daughter and I both laughed heartily and got a little misty while watching it.

2. Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny - It looked funny, but I didn't actually watch it. So sue me. Maybe someday I'll get back to it. But then again, maybe Jack Black's shtick has worn a little too thin with me. We'll see.

3. The Magnificent Seven - Sweeping photography, a stirring score, and a charismatic cast make the American remake of The Seven Samurai a bona fide classic in its own right. Have another look at it.

4. Casino Royale - Quite simply the best Bond movie ever made. If you missed it in the theater, rent it! The parkour sequence alone is worth the time.

5. Science of Sleep - A quirky, unambitious, artsy foreign film by the man who directed Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It stars the multi-talented Gael García Bernal. While it was somewhat interesting to me, I can't really recommend it to a general audience.

Readers might be amused to learn that I kept having to revise upward the number of words per capsule review. I started out with "fourteen words or less" but it got longer and longer. Jeez I'm a long-winded bullshitter. Or something.

Onward!

Blogomatic

Witty observation! Obscure, partially relevant link. Unexamined assumptions. Inside joke. Filler. Padding. Fluff. Half-baked idea. Smug, self-assured, largely unfounded opinion. Bland conclusion.