Knight of Nothing

Legalize Gay Marriage In Minnesota

2011-12-01T14:26:00.000-06:00

Live and let live. Are these just words? A tired cliché that ought to be removed from our lexicon? Or does this sentiment express a deeply held value among Minnesotans? I believe it is the latter, and I am staking my holiday season plea on that belief.

Next year, in 2012, I am asking you to vote "no" on Minnesota's proposed amendment to ban gay marriage. Marriage should accessible to everyone; the rights, privileges, and responsibilities of marriage should not be exclusive to opposite sex partners.

One might ask me: Why? Why do you care? I am a married heterosexual man. I got mine. What difference does it make to me? Why do I feel so passionately about it? Why do I need marriage equality?

I could say, I have family members who would be hurt by this ban. I could say, I have friends who would be hurt by this ban. These are both powerful and true reasons, and it is likely that if you explored your family tree and your list of friends and acquaintances, those reasons would almost certainly apply to you as well. But for me, the answer is deeper and more primal than that.

Does my happiness and well-being hinge upon my exclusive access to it? Is my joy enriched by another's hardship and misery? Of course not. In fact, quite the opposite: it is tarnished by the suffering of others. Let us be honest: the world can be a hard and lonely place. Our happiness and well-being are intimately connected to the people around us. My redemption as a person cries out for everyone to share equally in the mere possibility of human fulfillment. And marriage is an important avenue to achieving true happiness on this earth, because a deep and abiding human connection can bring such fulfillment. How could I deny someone this precious thing? How can anyone?

You can dislike gays and vote against this amendment. Disliking someone has never been a reason to promote iniquity. You can adhere to your faith's notions about human coupling and sexuality and vote against this amendment. Though the state recognizes your faith-based marriage, no marriage performed by the state is necessarily sanctioned by your church. That would not change, whether this amendment passes or not. In short, you can oppose gay marriage and still vote to legalize it.

You can do these things because to legalize gay marriage is an act of civic faith and of basic humanity that would not impugn your personal views or religious practices. Rather, to vote against this amendment is to say, "I may not agree with gay marriage, but I trust that a civil marriage between same-sex partners will not affect me negatively, and it may well improve the well-being of society."

But what you absolutely cannot do is say, "I believe in personal freedom" and vote to ban gay marriage. You cannot say, "the government should not tell people who they may love or what that love must be" and support this amendment. You simply cannot say, "I am a tolerant person with a 'live and let live' attitude" and oppose gay marriage.

Please, vote against this amendment. Find the humanity in your gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. Believe in their right to seek lasting companionship and fulfillment. Legalize gay marriage. Live. And let live.

Now I'm a Believer

2011-11-30T17:29:00.000-06:00

A couple of years back, a friend recommended a book to me - James Carse's The Religious Case Against Belief. I recently got around to reading it, and found it to be an engaging, worthwhile experience.

God said it - I believe it - that settles it.
- bumper sticker

So begins the book. Carse sets out to disentangle "religion" from "belief", which are not the synonyms I (and most people) take them to be. For him, this is no mere academic exercise: it can be argued that conflicting religious beliefs are responsible for much of what is shocking and violent in our world today, and he wants to draw a sharp distinction between the two.

Carse argues that belief marks a boundary beyond which thinking and questioning and exploration cease. For a believer, there is nothing beyond his own beliefs. Religion, on the other hand, is surprisingly difficult to define; he writes that it is an ethereal and mysterious and enduring phenomenon, in which its practitioners strive for knowledge without ever reaching it.

The author posits that the great religions of the world have thrived not because of their legions of believers, but because of vital conversations within themselves about their own meaning. Using his expansive knowledge of history, he illustrates that the result of these religious dialectics is what he labels the "poetry of religion." In striving for the infinite, there can be no boundaries, no ultimate truth; only horizons and contexts.

Carse spends a great deal of energy developing his definition of belief in order to distinguish it from religion. He starts by enumerating three types of ignorance: ordinary, willful, and "higher". Ordinary and willful ignorance are self-explanatory, but this last form was unfamiliar to me. He states that "higher" ignorance is a form of mental discipline in which a person has come to practice intellectual humility and honesty in the presence of a vast and unchartable universe. The money quote: "knowledge is corrigible, belief is not."

He goes on to say that willful ignorance is the cornerstone of belief systems. For Carse, belief has a limit imposed by some authority (a text, a person, an idea), and its effectiveness as a system is in securing its intellectual borders and defining its limits:

Once believers have selected their authority, genuine dialogue is abandoned. Discourse does not take its own spontaneous path but is aimed always at correcting and strengthening the existing thinking of those who already believe. Indeed, an attempt at genuine dialogue within a belief system can be taken itself as an act of unbelief.

Belief needs and thrives on opposition, because only walls that are being attacked need defending. He further states that because of this rigidity, belief systems actually contain the seeds of their own demise.

Believers and warriors tend to merge into one another: the military sees itself in religious terms, while believers take on the images of warfare.

[Belief systems] have an absolute commitment to their own orthodoxy, something missing in all the great religions... For all of their apparent worldly power, they are surprisingly fragile.

In striving to distinguish these two related yet (for him) oppositional words, he actually lights upon a compact and almost elegant definition of evil: "evil find its perfect home in our own belief system and the moral certainty that goes with it."

As his distinction between belief and religion become clear, the book develops the idea of the human institutions that make a body of believers vs religious adherents. He uses the terms civitas and communitas to speak about these groups. He begins to examine just how difficult it is to define "religion" and what it encompasses. He uses some iconic historical figures: Galileo, Martin Luther, Abraham Lincoln, and even Jesus to help illustrate his message about the gulf between religion and belief.

My greatest critique of Carse's work is that while his distinction between religion and belief may be meaningful and fairly well-established among scholars of religion, my experience with these phenomena in the wider world is that the two are almost hopelessly entangled. And while his definition of belief is compelling, he goes a bit too far when he tries to categorize scientific pursuits with it.

All that said, Carse's work is a good reminder that religious tradition and experience has a richness and depth and eloquence that resonates with people.

Pretty Much

2011-11-17T15:17:00.001-06:00

"All of this playing at politics is completely unnecessary. Democracy is for those capable of self-governance. Americans are not interested in governing themselves, but in watching television, and the political spectacle does not make for particularly compelling television viewing."

From ClubOrlov, a blog I've been checking on now and again.

I can't decide if I'm a cynic or a cynic.

FWIW: An Open Letter to Gov. Mark Dayton

2011-08-04T16:00:00.006-05:00

Dear Governor Dayton:

I admired your tenacity in facing the Republican legislature during the Minnesota state government shutdown. Although I was disappointed that you had to make so many concessions to end the stalemate, I respected your reasons for doing so: to protect and serve the greater good for Minnesota.

There is another fight in Minnesota looming in which the greater good is at stake: stadium financing. I urge you to change your stance on public financing of a Vikings stadium. You must oppose it, I beg.

Study after study after study (c.f., Robert Baade, Phil Porter, Frank Rashid, etc.) have consistently demonstrated that investing in professional sports does nothing to promote jobs or economic growth in the at-large community. In these difficult times, we here in Minnesota simply cannot afford to waste public money on such dubious investments. We need to make sound investments in jobs, education, infrastructure, and affordable, accessible healthcare.

There is a moral issue here, bigger than state pride in a professional sports team, and far more important than anyone's re-election prospects. The stadium must not be financed by public money. We must end the cycle of corporate blackmail, and spend limited resources in ways that reflect our values as Minnesotans.

Take a stand against publicly-funded stadiums, for the good of Minnesota.

Please consider my request.

Thank you.

Respectfully,

(me)

10,000 Burpees: Day 100

2011-07-09T22:52:00.004-05:00

Well, I did it: 10,000 burpees in 100 days. I even achieved a personal record for time today as well: 11 minutes 55 seconds. Nowhere near the 8 minutes I had hoped to attain, but I can't complain. For one thing, I didn't sleep very well last night and I felt a little ill today, and it was hot as Hades. But more to the point, only the most elite members of the gym come in at eight minutes (or less), and I suppose it was a little too much to expect that a mere 100 days would put me in that category. Still, the results are solid: I'm stronger and leaner than I was when I started.

There were a few days that I didn't complete all 100, and there was one day that I didn't do any (!), but I always made them all up the next day; there were no two days in which I didn't keep pace of the goal of 100/day. Toward the end of the time frame it got to be a chore; I'm looking forward to taking a few days off. But then I will have to add to the regimen if I am to meet the goals I set forth.

Open Letter To Wedge Community Coop

2011-06-02T14:19:00.004-05:00

Dear Wedge: someone posted a link to your newsletter today entitled "My Vegan Challenge to Oprah." My curiosity was piqued and I clicked the link. I was disappointed to see, however, that you had already removed the "offending" article, presumably caving to pressure from vegans. How sad that you chose to censor yourself rather than to invite a vigorous debate.

It would have been far better to leave the article and invite another scientist to dispute Ms. Turner's claims. Closing down the discussion before it had even begun is a triumph of orthodoxy over knowledge.

update: luckily, the article can now be found elsewhere.

update 2: I just got a response from the Wedge. It was a kindly note, but it sounds like their vegan customers are quite outraged by the article. Ahh, the intractability of beliefs. That will actually be my next blog topic, by way of a book review.

Two Minutes Short Of Being Smart

2011-05-26T09:36:00.002-05:00

I think it probable that most folks experience it from time to time, but dammat if it doesn't happen to me weekly, or even daily: the perfect reply, comment, witticism, retort, rebuttal, observation, or wisecrack always occurs to me two minutes after it would have been useful.

What's to be done about such a thing?

10,000 Burpees: Day 54

2011-05-24T22:10:00.007-05:00

Five thousand four hundred burpees! More than halfway to the end of the challenge. In order to push myself harder, I now publish some of my personal fitness goals...

100 burpees in 8 minutes.
5k in 21 minutes.
20 pull-ups in a row.
Dunk a basketball.
10 double-unders in a row.

Dare to dream! By the end of my 10,000 burpee challenge, I hope to have accomplished #1. I should take some benchmarks on the other goals soon, so I can determine how far I need to go to achieve those numbers. Number 5 will take some doing - I've only ever done one double under ever. But this burpee challenge is the most interesting thing I have going on right now, and my self-expectations are climbing.

Osama bin Laden Is Dead

2011-05-02T10:12:00.004-05:00

So he is dead. Good riddance. Personally, I would rather have seen him arrested, tried, convicted, and imprisoned. But given how much we have compromised our own justice system upon the altar of security, it may not have been a very meaningful trial.

It remains to be seen whether this so-called 'significant achievement' in the war on terror will alter U.S. foreign policy or military operations. I have my doubts.

In the meantime, let us recall that Osama bin Laden did not consider himself a wicked or evil man. He was utterly convinced of his own righteousness. In that light, one can see that unquestioned beliefs and absolutism are poisonous to humanity. Eschew belief and shun certainty; rather, seek knowledge and embrace uncertainty.

May the victims of this terror war rest in peace, and may their survivors find the strength and hope and healing to carry on.

10,000 Burpees: Day 26

2011-04-26T15:32:00.010-05:00

Just past the one-quarter completed mark on my personal burpee challenge. The soreness is long gone, but doing them still takes my wind in a big way.

Today, instead of doing them in sets of 10 or 20 throughout the day, I did one set of 100 burpees to see if I might improve upon my personal record of 13 minutes and 13 seconds.

Result: 12 minutes and 37 seconds. Not as much improvement as I had hoped, but still a personal best. I'll take it! Perhaps I need to incorporate some other mode of training, however, if I want to achieve my ultimate goal of 100 burpees in eight minutes.

By the way, I am not alone in admiring the raw power of the burpee! Coincidentally, shortly after I began my 10,000 burpee quest, the New York Times published an article in which several physiologists and exercise scientists were hard pressed to top the burpee as the king of exercises. Awesome.

death

2011-04-26T13:06:00.008-05:00

death is our lifelong companion
who greets us at our birth
treat him as your dearest friend
while you walk the earth

do not fear his icy touch
despair will help you not
trust that life will end one day
ere then do as you ought

In loving memory of Margaret Carr, 1949-2011.

Birth of a (Porno) Nation

2011-04-07T09:26:00.017-05:00

The public sphere has changed in the last thirty-five years. I don't have any hard data at my fingertips to support this broad assertion. In fact, what makes me say this may surprise you: a fleeting scene in a lurid and rather inconsequential documentary - Inside Deep Throat - about the infamous 1972 porn film. In the scene, the original playboy Hugh Hefner is quietly humbled by feminist and activist Susan Brownmiller during a nationally televised discussion on pornography. These days, it is difficult for me to imagine bitter rivals having a civilized discussion about such a complicated issue on television or anywhere else; the airwaves are instead filled with shrill voices talking over one another, unwilling to bend or to concede a point. The 1970s were truly a remarkable time.

Remarkable indeed. I said just now that the documentary was inconsequential, but only because it was a box office failure and (to my knowledge) has not been widely seen or discussed. The film's subject material, however - pornography, censorship, and the American culture wars - is as essential as any social history. The film that spawned this documentary deserves some thoughtful review in its context, and Inside Deep Throat attempts just that.

Deep Throat was the first movie made about blowjobs. It was made for $25,000 over a weekend in Florida, and went on to earn more than $600 million - perhaps the most profitable movie ever made. Moreover, a cursory bit of research shows that the only 70s films grossing more than Deep Throat are Star Wars, Jaws, The Exorcist, The Sting, The Godfather, and Grease. Pretty heady company. This statistic alone should make social historians and film critics take notice. With those numbers, can one really have a meaningful discussion about 1970s cinema and culture without mentioning this blockbuster porno?

Inside Deep Throat follows the stories of the principle actors and filmmakers during the film's notorious heyday. Though it is difficult to imagine now, forty years ago, sex was not only counter-culture but almost subversive. Blue movies were financed by seedy gray-market forces, often with ties to organized crime. Actors were attracted to the industry not for the money, but more often because they were self-described rebels experimenting with new freedoms and definitions of morality. Late in the movie, the documentary even visits with the agents and prosecutors who sought to ban the film. Deep Throat benefited from the enormous drive to censor it, and it rode this wave of censorship. It is probably not much of an exaggeration to assert (as the documentary does) that Deep Throat almost single-handedly ushered in the adult movie industry as we know it today.

I don't know if I can say much more about this film - it is better discussed among people who have seen it, rather than written about unilaterally. It is definitely worth a look. Watch it as a double feature with This Film Is Not Yet Rated, a movie about the appallingly secretive MPAA and the fawning self-censorship of Hollywood.

10,000 Burpees: Day One

2011-04-01T11:37:00.008-05:00

In November of 2010 I did 100 burpees per day, achieving 3,000 burpees for the month. At the time I thought it was a pretty ambitious goal, and I was pleased that I did it. The first few days were very difficult, but once I settled into the habit and overcame the initial soreness, I made it through the month. By the end, I noticed substantial improvements in the time it took to perform the exercise, and that I had a slimmer, leaner build, lower blood pressure, and a sense of accomplishment that bordered on complacency.

Today I set a new goal: 100 burpees per day for 100 days. This is a far more ambitious goal, because I struggle to stay focused and disciplined over long stretches. Admittedly, 100 days is not a great deal of time. But my hope is that striving for this goal will help me to hone a more expansive, process-oriented relationship to fitness. After all, in fitness, as in life, the destination is not as important as the journey. One can't have too many reminders of that. So here's to the journey!

It's Like Poetry

2011-03-31T14:26:00.004-05:00

Angry Angels in Outer Space

2011-03-26T13:48:00.024-05:00

Well, I finally finished Battlestar Galactica. Ugh, what a mess.

My main problem with the series is the same one I've had all along - the majority of the characters are simply plot devices. They would take an extreme position in one episode (or set of episodes), then take the exact opposite position, sometimes in literally the very next show, solely for the sake of creating dramatic/storyline tension. This is the single worst feature of the series, and it happened again and again. In my opinion, a good story evolves from the conflict between well-defined characters holding on to cherished beliefs. It drives me crazy when a character appears to change a deeply-held conviction for no other reason than that the writer needs to amp up the discord.

The absurd result is that one week, we see Adama inciting a mutiny and a coup d'etat by forcing Cylon technology on to the unwilling fleet, only to abjectly refuse it for his own ship in the next. Starbuck drives her own crew to mutiny over her single-minded quest, but then coldly rejects Adama's desire to rescue Roslin. And so on and so on. The characters most victimized by this phenomenon: Starbuck, Adama, Apollo, Ellen, Baltar. Even Tyrol, Caprica-Six, and Zarek fall prey to this trope. In short, almost all of the main characters of the series are tainted by this problem at one time or another. In fact, out of the entire ensemble, only Tigh and Agathon seem consistent throughout the course of the series.

The writers made religion a major theme of the show, but it became a muddled and ultimately meaningless cacophony. This is the next major problem. Take the One True God. On one hand, OTG seems to embody the most appealing elements of mystical monotheism: a loving, compassionate, and merciful being that calls all living things to embrace these values. But OTG also apparently plays everyone like pawns, using visions and fates to drive humans and Cylons alike to their destiny in spite of themselves. Moreover, Six-Angel and Baltar-Angel, OTG's most prominent evangelists, are shallow, vain, manipulative, seductive, and crave violence, sex, and destruction.

Meanwhile, the 'false' (???) colonial gods are... what, exactly? All I have here are questions, because there doesn't seem to be any clear definition. Are they truly false? Are they as capricious and wicked as Baltar claims? The teachings of the colonial religion seem to be generic new-age feel-good stuff. So Baltar can't be completely right. So are they a pale shadow of OTG?

I have more questions about religion in the show: why isn't the Cylon civil war cast into more explicitly religious terms (a "OTG for Cylons" faction vs a "OTG for All" faction)? And why doesn't the backlash against human monotheists develop into an all-out religious war for humanity? In the latter case, there are some hints at this, but it doesn't seem to go anywhere, mainly because, apart from the "Sons of Aries," the old faith actually seems to be pretty tolerant, and the new faith seems to be based more on the cult of Baltar instead of any true conversion.

Still more - why aren't human monotheists striving harder for human-Cylon unity? Where does the colonial religion's prophecy of Earth fit in with OTG's 'plan'? Why don't the clerics of the colonial religion continue to appropriate/interpret the mystical events of the show as evidence of their own gods' divine workings? There seem to be lots of proposed answers to all of these questions, but they are incomplete and contradictory, none of them actually adding up to anything. There is less here than meets the eye.

Another issue I had with the show is its overweening sense of melodrama - how many times did Bill Adama smash up his office, take off his admiral pins, contravene the democratic wishes of the Quorum? How many times did Lee Adama quit the service? How many fights did Starbuck instigate? How many times did sex begin with a violent confrontation between characters? Even the opening titles of the show - 'And they have a plan' - so ominous and creepy and entertaining at the beginning of the series, became such a farce that it had to be abandoned. There was never any plan. Just another melodramatic tease.

Random complaint - what happened to D'Anna? Seriously, where the fuck was she in the last 3-4 episodes? To let such a pivotal character fade into the background with no explanation is pretty unforgivable.

I know I've already complained about Starbuck as a plot device, but she deserves a little more attention. She is a superwoman: the best pilot in the fleet, the best marksman, best military strategist, best martial artist, best poker player, best musician, etc, etc. WTF?

Another issue I have with Starbuck is that no explanation is offered for her "resurrection" other than that she's an angel, even though very obvious ones occur to any casual viewer of science fiction: time travel, time paradox, and/or parallel universes. Why didn't they address these possible explanations? I thought Baltar was a scientist, and that this was a science fiction show.

The Final Five were so painfully shoe-horned into the story that they barely merit comment. Accepting them as Cylons was a major hurdle for my continued following of the show, and one of the reasons it took so long for me to finish. They are written as the parents of the Cylon race, and basically they all seem to want to return to their own kind (with the exception of Saul Tigh). But they all stay on Galactica. How come? Ellen Tigh is the worst of the bunch. Imagine the creative meeting that brought her character back as a Cylon - Q: "should she continue to be a drunken trollop, or evolve into the sage mother of all Cylons?" A: "I've got it, let's have her be both!"

The cult/harem of Baltar never made sense. Enough said.

Ok, I'd better wrap it up. The series finale is a whiplash-inducing snoozefest. We learn pointless details about the backstory of a few of the major characters, and in the present, the fleet, ready to riot over Galactica's resources, suddenly agrees to give up all technology and start over as farmers. Huh? (And actually, given the time frame of their contact with our Earth, shouldn't they be hunter-gatherers? Aw, fuck it.)

Anyway, this plot point ties back to the first problem I mentioned - characters just do things for the sake of the story, not because they are actually credible actions. If the plot requires a complete reversal on an issue, you can be sure that the character will make that reversal. The only difference in the finale is that instead of it being a single character, it is the entire human race changing its collective mind all at the same time, for the sake of a tidy little ending.

So there you have it. I could go on, but you get the idea. Very disappointing. It's sad because I think the core of the show had some great ideas and plot lines, and some really compelling drama, which in the end only served to make its failure all the more maddening and profound.

Class Envy

2011-02-28T12:37:00.006-06:00

A man I know posted a joke on a social networking site:

A Teabagger, Union Member and a CEO are sitting at a table with a dozen cookies. The CEO immediately takes 11 cookies for himself. The CEO then turns to the Teabagger and says, "Watch out for that union guy - he wants part of your cookie."

Amusing and poignant. One of his commentators was not amused, however, and complained that the left felt entitled to everyone else's cookies and dismissed the joke and its underlying point as "complete and total class envy."

The charge of 'class envy' seems to come up these days more often than at any time in my memory, so I want to dispense with it. Absurd! Rapacious, grasping theft is evil; calling it so and trying to something about it doesn't make one envious of the thief. There should be a natural alliance between the union man and the tea-partier, but as the joke illustrates, it is pitifully easy to exploit their differences.

The unfortunate truth is that the tea-partier is the one with 'class envy': he is the player coveting the CEO's wealth, convinced of the CEO's inherent superiority and enamored of the fairy tale that another 11 cookies will magically appear for him to take, if only he would follow the CEO's advice and screw the other guy out of a meager one-half of a cookie.

Adrenaline Response

2011-02-20T16:51:00.014-06:00

Last night I had an unfortunate encounter. I was at a bar in Portland, enjoying some well-deserved time with six friends. My wife and I arrived later than the rest of our party. By the time we arrived, the crowd was rowdy and teeming with primitive energy. In spite of some unpleasant jostling with the inebriated throng, the stage show was lively and amusing, and my friends and I were genuinely having a good time.

An undercurrent of violence loomed, however. A drunken fool of a woman, looking to all the world like a surgically-enhanced cougar, who had been spilling her drinks on a couple of my friends and generally making a nuisance of herself, started waving her hand in my face. Perhaps all this jostling with the crowd had made me a little irritable, and I said, "please take your hand out of my face."

Suddenly her husband/boyfriend/lover/hookup appeared, pressing his chest against mine, admonishing me for having spoken to this woman. He was shorter than me, but stocky, formidable, and roaring drunk. Two of his friends also started shoving on me and calling me out. I was pretty much dumbstruck, and repeated my instruction that she keep her hands to herself. To be honest, I had a big smile on my face; I couldn't really believe this was happening.

He, his friends and I exchanged a few words; they were developing an un-sober treatise on a "kicking-my-ass" theme, while my words were mostly a collection of half-stammered questions whose sentiment could be boiled down to "...really?" My smile belied my true state, however: my heart was pounding and my adrenal gland had flooded my system with its potent hormone. Fight or flight? I took a few breaths and backed down. Did I really want to fight three dudes (and probably take a beating) over some hussy's behavior?

The tension seemed to lift for a moment, though I got a few more dirty looks from the woman and the man, and his two friends continued making an effort to provoke me. Whatever. I looked away. Then the woman actually made physical contact, slapping at me and flicking her fingers on my nose. What the hell? I made a gesture with my middle finger; a weak-minded response, I suppose, but I just couldn't completely drop it. I'm not that composed. My wife was upset; she had told me to let it be.

A kaleidoscope of activity: lines were drawn, threats were repeated, the bouncer appeared, our friends surrounded me, and my wife's most ferocious friend, all five-foot-two-inches of her, managed to get between me and the main aggressor. She had been the one who was getting the drink spilled on her, and she had been pushed to her limit by these fools as well.

Now, I hadn't had anything to drink, and to me it seemed obvious who had instigated this melee and why. I leaned in and offered the bouncer a brief summary. He did not seem interested in my account of our antagonists' drunken aggression, but I did learn that the bouncer had already paid at least two other visits to this group. He stood between us unmoved.

Our party was done - everyone wanted to leave. When our intentions were clear, the bouncer offered our group free shots as an apology. Great! A bar employee suggesting more alcohol in order to diffuse what was essentially a booze-fueled confrontation.

So here are my questions: how did I get into this? Where was my mistake? And what is a modern man to do?

I feel like I might have won some real admiration from my wife and our friends had I been able to talk my way out of this confrontation. I also feel like I would have found some self-respect and personal resolution had I simply driven my elbow into the man's throat. Heck, if all three of the men had jumped me and tried to beat me down, then there would have been little shame in turning tail and running like hell. But what happened was... nothing. I simply walked out with my group.

It felt like the weakest, most effete result. Here was my wife's diminutive friend, standing between me and my quarry, more effectively resolving the situation than the club's staff or anyone else. Here was the bar, watching idly while good and true patrons leave the establishment, rather than doing the difficult work of forcing out the people causing the disruption and who were likely to continue their campaign of abusive behavior. Here was the other party, openly and obnoxiously gloating that they had 'won' the altercation. Here were all my primal instincts, rebelling against my walk of shame: fight for your mate, your clan, your territory! Or if defeated, run! I felt awful.

Our primitive/physical selves are remarkably well-equipped to handle such situations: fight, kill, flee. But my intellectual/emotional self is woefully undeveloped. I was completely beholden to my instincts, unable to summon the faculties to talk my way into a more satisfying resolution, and yet hidebound by civilized convention to avoid violence. It was a very personal defeat.

Shameless Plug

2010-05-17T14:42:00.004-05:00

Contest time! My fiancee submitted a modest cost-saving idea that we are using for our wedding to an on-line contest. I promptly forgot all about it. But we have been selected from over a thousand entries as a finalist! So our floral centerpieces could be worth $10,000!! Prizes of that amount will be awarded in cash to the top four finalists who receive the highest number of votes. So if anyone looks at this blog anymore, we would really appreciate your help! Quite apart from the prize, my competitive nature makes me want to win.

Please vote for us by clicking one of the the links below - it takes only a moment to go to the site and click the button. There is no sign in or other information requested. Thank you for your support!!

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All Others - Vote Here

The End?

2010-02-26T13:56:00.004-06:00

I'm exhausted. Completely tapped out, creatively speaking. I don't know how real writers do it; apparently I am not one. I suppose could continue to riff upon current events and post "witty" comments about internet detritus, but that feels really worn and old these days.

Last night at a work function (a team dinner), my manager spoke about seeing Anthony Bourdain give a lecture. "Nice work if you can get it, just standing up there and telling stories," she joked. "Ya, the only trick is having something to say that people will pay money to hear," I replied half-heartedly. Right now, I don't even want to read what I have to say for free :-)

See you later.

Why Didn't She Call Him Back?

2010-02-18T12:03:00.005-06:00

Perhaps the greatest voicemail ever left on a machine. Must be heard.

Guy Tries to Be Sauve sound bite

My question is, how come there isn't an epic love story at the end of this rainbow of love? I wish I knew. And most important, how come I didn't hear about this meme sooner?

Latest Quote of the Day

2010-02-15T17:02:00.005-06:00

"Death before discourtesy is my f*cking mantra!"

From the unlikely person of Kevin Smith! Apparently he claims to have really good manners, but he lost it when he was bumped from a Southwest Airlines flight for being too fat.

New Poll Shows Democrats Are Dumber Than Republicans And Independents

2010-02-11T13:50:00.005-06:00

Ok, that probably got your attention. Now check this out: the New York Times and CBS published a poll today that suggests such an improbable headline: 79% of self-identified Democrats said they favored allowing "gays and lesbians" to serve openly in the military, but only 43% of the self-same Democrats favored allowing "homosexuals" to serve in the military openly. According to the poll results, Republicans and independents did not have nearly as much trouble deciphering the different terms that the poll contained; their numbers were roughly equivalent, regardless of how the question was worded.

Sigh.

Ka-Pow

2010-02-10T14:45:00.003-06:00

This hits me like a Mack truck that I'm too dim-witted to avoid:

While his base was distracted with a never very bold health care proposal, designed to mollify the insurance companies while providing at least the appearance of universal health care, Obama ceded the genuinely populist cause in the midst of a banking meltdown by coddling Wall Street. It was only a year into his administration, at a point when the banks had obviously failed to deliver on a promise to aid distressed homeowners and increase lending, that Obama in direct response to adverse poll results once again sounded the populist notes of the early months of his primary campaign.

And for that too-little-too-late response to the catastrophic economic crisis they caused, Wall Street titans will now take Obama to the woodshed to teach him and the Democrats a lesson about who's really in control.

I Can't Get Over It

2010-02-09T15:50:00.002-06:00

I already posted about this issue, but this video, Transforming Uganda, from Bruce Wilson, is essential viewing.

Dear Senator

2010-01-27T07:38:00.003-06:00

Dear Senator Franken:

I am a resident of Minneapolis, Minnesota. I write to ask that you please oppose the re-confirmation of Ben Bernanke for Federal Reserve Chairman. Bernanke has proven he cannot fulfill the Federal Reserve's dual mandate of price stability and full employment and thus has shown he is not qualified to serve a second term as Chairman. He has become a polarizing figure whose past is inextricably entangled with the financial crisis that grips our country.

Your esteemed colleague, Senator Russ Feingold, succinctly explains Bernanke's lack of qualification for the office:

"A chief responsibility of the Chairman of the Federal Reserve is to ensure a sound financial system. Under the watch of Ben Bernanke, the Federal Reserve permitted grossly irresponsible financial activities that led to the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. Under Chairman Bernanke's watch predatory mortgage lending flourished, and 'too big to fail' financial giants were permitted to engage in activities that put our nation's economy at risk. And as it responds to the crisis it helped to usher in, the Federal Reserve under Chairman Bernanke's leadership continues to resist appropriate efforts to review that response, how taxpayers' money was being used, and whether it acted appropriately."

In the simple language of a lifelong Minnesotan: we should not give the keys back to the person who crashed the car.

Senator Franken, we need fresh faces and new ideas in government, which is why I supported you in the 2008 election.

Jobs and economic policy are critical issues to my family and to the voters of Minnesota. Please consider my request.

Thank you.

Regards,

<me>

Tip of the hat to Snarf Snarf for the idea.

(My Dreams Have Been) Killed By An Amazon

2010-01-25T19:26:00.002-06:00

I thought the point of online retailers is to nurture and exploit one's desire for mindless consumerism! But I've been crushed.

You see, I have been keeping track of a wish list on Amazon.com for a while. I went to daydream upon it at the end of my day, only to find that one of the items on my list has been labeled "item no longer available." I'm pretty sure I don't want "item no longer available." I'm pretty sure I want items, lots of them. That's why I'm keeping a damn list!

Fack. I don't even remember what the item was.

Someone Else's Wisdom

2010-01-22T09:17:00.002-06:00

Can't seem to muster any original or insightful or interesting or humorous thought. So I thought I'd post this quote.

A time will come when a politician who has willfully made war and promoted international dissension will be as sure of the dock and much surer of the noose than a private homicide. It is not reasonable that those who gamble with men's lives should not stake their own.
H.G. Wells (1866-1946)

Kill or Captcha

2010-01-14T08:32:00.003-06:00

After three years of blogging in this space, I've finally had to enable CAPTCHA. I recognize the value of the technology, but I resent having to decipher and enter the letters, and so I long resisted adding it to my site. I suppose I have been lucky enough to escape most spam for all this time. But today I had a number of male enhancement comments on my previous post, and it was time to accept the inevitable. Bastids.

Religion: A Scary Thing, or The Scariest Thing?

2010-01-13T11:04:00.010-06:00

Ugandan MP David Bahati has introduced a bill to punish homosexuals with the death penalty. No mention of his religious leanings in that story, but it turns out that Uganda is governed in part by fundamentalist Christians with ties to the American fundamentalist group The Family.

Never let it be said that Christian fundamentalists are less extreme than their Muslim counterparts.

My Dog Knows When I'm Crabby

2010-01-05T13:39:00.002-06:00

When I curse under my breath, my dog gets up off the couch and slinks away quietly to his kennel.

Refreshingly Old-School Business Acumen

2009-12-28T16:46:00.003-06:00

Amazon.com's founder and CEO, Jeff Bezos: "I always tell people, if we have a good quarter it's because of the work we did three, four, and five years ago. It's not because we did a good job this quarter."

If only our banking industry "gurus" thought like this.

Not The 'Last Airbender' One, But The Other One

2009-12-28T11:56:00.006-06:00

I saw Avatar yesterday afternoon, and while visually it was absolutely breathtaking, and I appreciate the film's (albeit preachy and simplistic) message, unfortunately there was nothing original about the characters or plot: I guarantee that you have seen every character in this film before, and a child could have written the outline of the story.

The two modestly novel ideas that film possessed did not justify the film's three hour runtime. The clownish 'villains' uttered painfully cliche dialog, and the central treasure of the alien world was called "unobtainium." WTF? My fiancee quipped that it was probably a placeholder name that was never replaced, and that as movies are akin to software development projects, one could label that absurdity "going live with a known defect."

One other comment: my experience of the film was also hindered by the 3D glasses, which were extremely heavy and bulky and pressed my eyeglasses down upon the bridge of my nose until I had a headache. I think that was unnecessary.

I can't beat down this movie too much, though. It was a spectacle of entertainment. And as I mentioned earlier, visually, it is a never-ending feast. When I was a boy I used to gaze wistfully at Roger Dean's fantasy art for hours, immersing myself in his fantastic worlds. Apparently James Cameron, and the art designers for the film, had a passion for his groundbreaking art as well - this movie is his art realized in a motion picture. Sitting in the theater with my friends as the credits rolled, I wondered out loud whether Dean had worked on the film. He did not, but I just looked at Roger Dean's personal website, and it appears that I'm not the only one who spotted the rather striking similarities between the film and his work. Not sure what to say about that.

Anyway...

Oh Yeah

2009-12-18T11:10:00.002-06:00

I don't know why I haven't spent more of my life making cookies, especially for the holiday season. I intend to rectify this deficiency forthwith. There is little better than that hallowed, delicious enterprise, except perhaps sharing the proceeds of such labors!

Jury Duty

2009-12-15T20:57:00.023-06:00

In October I sat among twelve people who convicted a man of first-degree murder. A grim and solemn occasion. The accused was charged with the murder of his infant daughter and the assault of his daughter's mother. The woman, who was six months pregnant at the time, was repeatedly punched in her swollen abdomen by a stranger. The baby girl was born prematurely as a result of the assault, and she died nine days later. The state alleged that the father planned the crime with the attacker, and that in so doing he had procured the death of his daughter.

The prosecution laid out a damning circumstantial case against the defendant, but there was no evidence presented in the trial that directly linked the two men together in this crime. The defense attorney seized upon this apparent factual gap, and in his closing arguments, he brought up an old logical and scientific adage, "you can't prove a negative." He was trying to say that the defendant could never "prove" that he wasn't involved, and since the prosecution did not definitively show that he was, the jury must acquit his client.

I wrestled with this argument during deliberations and afterward. It has a powerful resonance! Did that gap in evidence constitute "reasonable doubt"? But I kept coming back to the judge's instructions: "intent, being a process of the mind, is wholly subjective and may not be demonstrable through direct evidence alone," and again "use the evidence presented, your knowledge, experience, and common sense to reach your verdict."

In the end, the circumstantial case was enough for me. I did my best to persuade my fellow jurors, and together we voted to convict the defendant on all charges: first degree murder with premeditation; second degree murder with intent; and first degree assault, great bodily harm. In a bit of courtroom theatrics, the defendant's brother stormed out, slamming the door with terrific force. But our service was complete.

After the trial, in chambers, the judge revealed that the man who committed the assault, who had plead guilty and is serving forty years for his role in the attack, refused to testify at the last moment. He had been threatened by the defendant that we had just convicted! I think that assuaged some of the jurors who felt that we needed to hear the attacker's testimony in order to convict on all counts. After all, his testimony had been promised in the prosecution's opening remarks, and it would have filled the evidentiary gap in the case. It was the 'pat on the back' that they had done the right thing.

For me, however, it was sobering: in making an argument, I tend to assume a posture of certainty. Whether they realize it or not, I think most people do. It is more expedient; it inoculates oneself against errors and the unknown. Unfortunately, this posture does not help to reveal truth, and can all-too-easily obscure it. Lesson learned. Again.

Apart from the epistemological challenges that I continue to dwell upon in the aftermath of this case, there is also the question of imposing a first-degree murder sentence upon someone for the death of a fetus. In retrospect, I wish I had discussed this question with my fellow jurors. By doing what they did, these men did commit murder; the law is very clear on this point. But it also leaves me unsatisfied. I've been a fairly strong supporter of choice, and I wonder how I can square my vote to convict, these laws, this precedent, and my views on choice.

Does this man deserve to spend life in prison without the possibility of parole because he didn't have the self-awareness, courage, and foresight to ask his girlfriend if she would consider an abortion? I don't know. Why did he have such crippled faculties of mind that he did not so much as ask? I don't know that either.

For the pain he caused and the evil that he did, he will be punished. But I feel pity for him and for the fellow who carried out the assault, for I see them as tragically ignorant fools.

Out of the Woods

2009-12-14T15:55:00.009-06:00

In relation to the news cycle, I am as old as a dinosaur and as slow as a snail, but now that I am back to writing, I cannot resist the urge to comment upon Tiger Woods' domestic problems. My initial reaction to all of this was pretty typical for me: "this is nobody's business" and "why must I once again be subjected to 'news' of a celebrity's personal foibles?"

The episode sits squarely at the top of the three-headed monster of race, sex, and class, however, and as such, it demands a bit of attention. Thankfully, coverage that I have seen has been devoid of overtly racial themes. That said, I have been made aware that person(s) known to me, big fans of Mr. Woods prior to the scandal, have made comments about black men, apparently fishing for permission to cast the conversation about Tiger into a racial one. Repugnant, to be sure. But how isolated was that attempt? Probably not as rare as one would hope.

Part of the reason I had to comment upon this story is that I cannot avoid it. Yesterday afternoon in the grocery store checkout line, I was visually assaulted by the tabloids - Us Magazine proclaimed: Mistress: Tiger Woods Told Me He "Wasn't Happy at Home With Wife"; while In Touch screamed: Tiger Tells His Mistress: I WILL LEAVE MY WIFE FOR YOU. The People magazine cover was the worst: Tiger's Wife: Inside Elin's Nightmare. All of these headlines demonstrate a prurient interest in Tiger's exploits, to be sure, but they also reveal gender politics of what I thought was a bygone era. Here in these salacious quotes is writ large: infidelity on the part of a man justifies domestic violence on the part of a woman. Is this the 21st century?

Let's go to Dubai. Why Dubai? It turns out that the richest athlete in history, like every other rich man that walked the earth before him, could not accumulate that kind of wealth without some kind of devilry. The one golf course in the world that bears Tiger Woods's name sits in that desert city; an unnatural oasis that uses four million gallons of water per day, to say nothing of the rest of the city, its appalling labor practices or its centrality to the international sex slave trade.

Nation writer Dave Zirin calls Tiger to task for this and for his corporate deals with Chevron as well. Zirin put it best when he said, "Woods has every right to keep his personal problems personal. But when he makes deals that benefit dictatorships and unaccountable corporations, all in the name of his billion-dollar brand, he deserves no privacy."

Last night my mind wandered to Tiger and his all of this recent media attention as I watched The People Speak. Muhammad Ali, one of the most famous athletes of his time, went to prison and was stripped of his title rather than fight in Vietnam, a war to which he objected. Contrast that to Woods, who would rather collect another few million than come out against barbaric labor practices, child sex slavery, or toxic polluters.

While he's taking time off, presumably to repair the damage he did to his family, Mr. Woods might consider rethinking all of his priorities and reflecting upon what truly makes a life well-lived.

A Long Absence

2009-12-13T11:09:00.004-06:00

Hi.

After alternatively avoiding and forgetting about this space for a long while, I find that I am at last drawn back to it. After all, I still aspire to be a better writer. But how to sum up the last six months and more? A lot has happened: I got engaged, bought a house, help move my fiancee across country, served as a juror on a murder case, read several books, lost more hair, started a workout program... any one of these things could be fine material for a whole series of entries.

Rather than trying to wax poetic about these events right now, I'll just say that more is on the way. Happy Holidays.

I Think His Name Is John

2009-06-02T11:21:00.002-05:00

From the Regrettable Headlines Dept.: "GM has undisclosed buyer for Hummer."

My So-Called Blog

2009-05-26T13:19:00.004-05:00

Jeez. May 2009 is shaping up to be my weakest month ever as a blogger. I'd better shape up! It's not like I haven't experienced anything blogworthy. I've just been really lazy about getting over here and writing something about it. In the last two months I got engaged (!), took a trip to Austin, TX, started to chip away at my summer movie list, and finished a few books. I turned 40 just last week. Hell, I even had the most incredible dining experience of my life. Time to get back to the old blog! Just as soon as I finish this box of milk duds.

A Plea For Reason

2009-05-06T09:49:00.003-05:00

This is a fantastic quote.

The recent attention to teen "sexting" has focused quite a lot on the presumed self-exploitation of kids, not so much on the prurient reflex of grown-ups who spy on and punish them. It has dwelt quite a lot on the traps of technology, not so much on the desires that precede picking up a camera. Quite a lot on the question of whether the teens are sex offenders or merely stupid, sluttish or mean, not so much on the freedom to see and be. Quite a lot on the legal meaning of images, not so much on the ways in which making them might delight, or on the cultural freakout that colors law, images and how they are perceived.

Hat tip to Nation contributor JoAnn Wypijewski for adding a soothing voice of rationality to the cacophony surrounding the latest teen sex scare.

Proof That Texas Is A Cool Place

2009-04-28T15:40:00.005-05:00

I just spent a week in Austin, TX. I had a fantastic time and I really didn't want to leave. Who knew? And as if I needed and more proof of how fun Texas is, while gassing up the car Sunday evening to go home, this car pulled into the filling station right behind me.

Gross!

2009-04-13T12:10:00.000-05:00

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Not Exactly 007

2009-04-09T10:13:00.001-05:00

Oops. But it kinda reminds me of Spy vs. Spy.

Great Quote

2009-03-31T14:07:00.003-05:00

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
Robert A. Heinlein

Of Bats and Boners

2009-03-29T11:45:00.002-05:00

Sex Sells, But Don't Try To Buy It

2009-03-26T09:18:00.004-05:00

Today on the bus ride to work I saw one of those jumbo-tron billboards that display a dozen different advertisements. As we passed, two ads flashed in quick succession made my head spin. The first was a warning to johns visiting prostitutes that their pictures will be published on a Minneapolis web site. The second depicts a demure Margaret Cho gazing seductively at the viewer, arms forward and pressed to her breasts to exaggerate her exposed cleavage. Apparently she's going to be doing a show at a nearby casino (in support of another vice).

Don't these billboard people understand irony?

All Right...

2009-03-20T07:52:00.003-05:00

...I apologize for that last post. It is pretty goddamn ham-handed. But these days, short of donning black cowls and sporting moustaches, could the bad guys be any more obvious?

Plus, I like the phrase "dirty fucking hippies."

The Dirty Fucking Hippies Were Right

2009-03-19T18:20:00.002-05:00

Any song that uses the word "temerity" in it deserves some props. Even if it is more of a spoken-word rant than a song.

The Tyranny of Do-Gooders

2009-03-11T16:00:00.004-05:00

Bleak. Hilarious. Kinky. Violent. Atheistic. Flawed. Unsettling. All of these adjectives describe Watchmen, the latest comic book opus to be transferred to the cinema. But this film does not possess a multiplex sensibility; it is deformed, hideous, and brilliant. It is art-house/grind-house superhero-noir holding a mirror to the black heart of humanity. I saw it on Sunday with my teenage children, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.

I have read a series of negative reviews that have been accurate enough in their criticisms (this character was superficial or that performance was wooden or some artistic choice was derivative), but I also feel like they have missed the forest for the trees. This film is relentless and uncompromising and doesn't really care what you think.

Rorschach, the film's chief protagonist, is like Frank Booth and Travis Bickle rolled together into superhero form. Jackie Earle Haley's performance as Rorschach is so pure it could shatter glass, and make the audience laugh out loud and shiver in fear simultaneously. It is a testament to the effectiveness of the film that the two most loathsome characters, Rorschach and the Comedian, are unnervingly sympathetic.

Having seen 300, the director's previous work, I went into this film prepared for something flat and hackneyed and overlong. I came out speechless - I thought Watchmen was great. Have a look at it and let me know your thoughts. Unlike the film, I do care. *:-)

Five Dollar Foot Long

2009-03-03T22:24:00.002-06:00

Doesn't really need a caption, does it?

The Hollandaise of Irony

2009-02-19T17:56:00.004-06:00

"I think abstinence is... not realistic at all." - Bristol Palin, unwed teen mother and daughter of would-be vice-president and abstinence-only education advocate Sarah Palin. Speaking on FOX News! I could not have made up a thicker, richer, and more buttery ending to this sideshow.

Happy Hour Anyone?

2009-02-06T11:04:00.002-06:00

A Routine Expedition (to apple.com/trailers)

2009-02-04T19:24:00.001-06:00

For some reason, this really made me laugh.

Can You Break A 100,000,000,000,000?

2009-01-29T13:08:00.009-06:00

I just read that Zimbabwe recently printed a Z$100 Trillion note. Zounds that's a big number. It makes the Z$50 Billion note pictured seem quaint.

Drinking the Kool-Aid

2009-01-23T12:58:00.011-06:00

I certainly enjoy hyperbole in the service of humor. I love it! In earnest public debate, however, I usually find it to be tiresome and/or grating at best, and all too often repugnant and offensive. Lately a noxious and outlandish comparison has come to my attention that to my knowledge no one has thought to comment upon: "drinking the kool-aid." It's been said that Obama supporters have "drank the kool-aid," that faithless members of the Right have "drank the kool-aid," that a few brave conservatives have refused to "drink [Obama's] kool-aid." This is the worst kind of hyperbole: stealthy and pernicious.

The kool-aid in question was a refreshing beverage and mass-suicide potion served to cult members by their charismatic leader in South America in 1978. Now, I will grant that Obama does have undeniably messianic, charismatic qualities. I will also grant that these qualities bring out a devotion in people that extends well beyond what is rational. But this weak comparison ends there. Barack Obama is a scholar and statesman, a man with a taste for debate and intellectual rigor. He is not a man who seeks blind obedience, nor does he have any apparent megalomaniac tendencies. He seems to be measured and thoughtful and deliberate in all things.

On the other hand, there was a president who for eight years demanded unquestioning support, who shrouded his administration in an unprecedented veil of secrecy, who claimed sanction from God, and who kept his own counsel of what is right and what is wrong, much of which flew in the face of the U.S. Constitution and international laws and conventions. Now that does sound just a bit like a cult figure.

The Man-Machine

2009-01-23T10:56:00.004-06:00

I might possibly be getting stranger. Or perhaps I have adult onset OCD. I noticed today with some embarrassment that I always sit on the east side of the bus. When I am going north to work, I seat myself on the passenger's side of the bus. When I am southbound and returning home, I seat myself on the driver's side of the bus. This is compulsive, unconscious behavior that I am at a loss to explain. Why do I it? How long have I been doing it? Why did I notice it this morning? Weird.

Pretty Much Sums Up The Bush Years

2009-01-15T14:53:00.005-06:00

Three cheers for David Rees, who made the insanity of 9/11 and the grotesque politics that that tragedy spawned hilarious, if painfully so. After seven years, he's wrapping up Get Your War On this month. It was a brilliant web comic. Godspeed my friend.

Just Plain Ugly

2009-01-09T18:17:00.006-06:00

Oh man, I've gotta stop. I've been binging on economic news and the inner workings of the colossal scandal on Wall Street for the past few weeks and I'm starting to get really depressed. Why do I do that to myself? Probably because I'm a "liberal."

Around election time, journalists trot out the curious results of annual surveys that clearly indicate conservatives consistently self-report being happier than liberals (incidentally, I meant to write about this year's crop of stories on the subject earlier, but I was just too damn pleased about the election results).

Generally I consider myself to be a pretty happy, optimistic person. I always have. But I cannot truly say that I am a "very happy" person. So I suppose I fit this poll and these broad categorizations neatly. But why don't I consider myself "very happy"? I just can't when I feel so much outrage about the about endless war and poverty and violence and environmental degradation and unemployment and any number of issues. I feel human misery in my bones and I want to help. In other words, I pay attention to the news and I believe that people can and should do something about each other's problems.

Good grief that sounds corny. Maybe I should just tune it all out! That might just be how conservatives do it. After all, Stephen Colbert is fond of saying, "facts have a well-known liberal bias."

From The "Monkey Contemplating A Breast Grab" Dept.

2009-01-06T18:53:00.006-06:00

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, I'll be here all week.

From The "Monkey Grabs Woman's Breast" Dept.

2009-01-06T11:13:00.001-06:00

I almost feel like I need to create a "Priceless" tag for this post.

I Told You So

2008-12-29T13:05:00.002-06:00

Banks kinda suck. Too bad I work for one.

Atheists For Christmas

2008-12-18T11:07:00.002-06:00

Laura Miller put it best:

Our contemporary, semi-secular Christmas is... a collection of everything yearned for: warmth, plenty, peace, family, conviviality... the holiday is a fantasy, but there are times when a fantasy is exactly what you need.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Thankless Cube

2008-12-14T21:41:00.004-06:00

In honor of Cubezoo, I post this collection of Wired's worst office accommodations.

Something's Shocking

2008-12-09T10:15:00.005-06:00

I don't consider myself naive. But I saw this and my jaw dropped and I did a literal double take and I had to read it several times before it sank in:

Gov. Rod R. Blagojevich of Illinois was arrested on Tuesday morning and charged with corruption, including an allegation that he conspired to profit from his authority to appoint President-elect Barack Obama's successor in the United States Senate, prosecutors said.

Really? It's like they aren't even trying to uphold any semblance of propriety any more. Might as well put it up on eBay or Craigslist: "Senate seat for sale. $500,000 or best offer." Another great big "fuck you" from our elected officials.

Final Countdown (on Prop 8)

2008-11-16T08:47:00.003-06:00

Keith Olbermann can be annoying, abrasive, and bombastic. Don't get me wrong, I like him, and I think he is incredibly erudite and insightful. Those qualities set him apart from his ideological nemesis Bill O'Reilly. But in this commentary, he truly demonstrates why he is so much more than just the left's version of O'Reilly or Rush Limbaugh.

Slow Fade

2008-11-14T14:07:00.003-06:00

I just read that India landed an unmanned spacecraft on the moon today. I don't know why, but this bothers me almost as much as the financial crisis that grips the U.S. I love the American space program, and I have always felt a sense of pride in it. But nowadays our education system can't even teach our children science without having to beat back church groups, and in mathematics our children lag behind other nations. And we have no money to address these educational issues - we are heavily leveraged by war and debt and the true cost of the so-called "free" market.

I'm sure Indians feel a great swell of pride in their country's accomplishment, as well they should. But I can't help feel that we Americans should be standing on Moon Base Alpha right now, chillin in a gigantic greenhouse, instead of drowning in ten trillion dollars of debt.

President-Elect Barack Obama

2008-11-05T11:13:00.018-06:00

The harder-working candidate won. The smarter, more academic candidate won. The more charismatic speaker won. The more consistent, more even-tempered candidate won. The more hopeful, more inclusive candidate won. Dare I say it? The better community organizer won. Unlike the past two presidential elections, which made it seem like cynical demographic triangulations were the only path to victory in 21st century politics, yesterday I had the feeling that that the better candidate really did win, as opposed to the better strategy, which had triumphed in the past. That is truly a cause for hope.

However you voted, and in whatever way you care to parse the election results, I think it is clear that Barack Obama out-hustled John McCain at almost every step of the campaign, kept a steadier hand upon the direction of his candidacy, and ultimately prevailed at least in part because of these reasons. Obama cultivated a clear vision and (mostly) stayed with his message and his ideals throughout the entire epic campaign. No small feat in a two-year contest. Factor in that Obama is black, and his victory seems all the sweeter: here is finally proof that white privilege can be cast aside, at least for a moment, and that the better man can actually win the top elective office, regardless of race.

I think Obama is going to be a great president. He and his staff ran an incredibly disciplined, focused, intelligent campaign, and they sustained the effort for a very long time. If his administration is anything like his campaign, I think we really will see some positive changes in the next four years. I don't agree with Obama on every issue, and the nation and the world he inherits have monumental problems to face. But I am very excited at the prospect of Obama stepping in to heal the festering wounds that mar our body politic. Congratulations to him and all of his supporters.

* * *

A few words about race.

When I was a college student, over the course of two quarters I spent my lunch hour watching and discussing Eyes on the Prize, the seminal 14-hour documentary series about the civil rights movement. The stories of the movement and the power of the archival footage made simply watching that series and participating in the discussion groups a transformational event for me.

I saw in that series the totality of the American experience for the first time. The true arc of American history is woefully incomplete without a full appreciation of the civil rights movement. Colonial-era slavery culminated in the American Civil War. The Civil War begot the Reconstruction. The Reconstruction gave way to Jim Crow laws and segregation. This institutionalized racism led ultimately to the movement. And politicians and policy makers since then have alternatively tried to shore up, fight against, or co-opt the legacy of that movement. The Black experience isn't some minor part of American history; it is American history.

Fast forward to the primary season at the beginning of this year. To me, it seemed we were closer to a Black president in 1988 when Jesse Jackson made a run than we were in 2008. But on this stage an insurgency was already brewing in the person of Barack Obama.

Obama is not a preacher, a military man, an athlete, or a movie star, as one might have expected the first African-American president to be. In spite of noises to the contrary, he wasn't really a celebrity of any kind. Derided by Sarah Palin for being a "community organizer," it turned out that that was his fundamental strength: his feet-on-the ground, working knowledge of how to build and maintain a coalition propelled him to victory.

Watching Eyes on the Prize, I couldn't help but think that as a nation we had drifted away from the promise and focus and optimism of those bygone years. I can see that I was wrong. In Obama lives a deep knowledge of and respect for that history, and whose rhetoric is steeped in that tradition. I am thrilled by the knowledge that his election will energize the dialog on race in the United States. And I am deeply, deeply happy that the hopes and dreams of so many tireless participants in the civil rights movement, these community organizers, are partially fulfilled by Obama's ascendancy. They sacrificed so much, and some paid the ultimate price for their belief in a nation that could live up to its highest ideals. This victory is theirs.

If Only Issues Really Decided The Outcome

2008-11-03T15:30:00.006-06:00

If this picture illustrated the actual candidates, would the polls in this presidential election be so close..? Sadly, I guess that the answer is no.

Don't forget to vote!

The Witch Head Nebula

2008-10-31T22:51:00.004-05:00

Happy Halloween! The image of the nebula is courtesy of those lovable nerds over at http://www.nasa.gov.

You're Being Lied To

2008-10-24T22:11:00.000-05:00

Just thought you should know.

What the Rest of the World Thinks

2008-10-20T14:28:00.002-05:00

I found this graph today. It speaks volumes about what the Bush presidency has meant for U.S. standing in the world.

Who Gives A Damn About The Stock Market?

2008-10-14T09:42:00.005-05:00

There is strong element of sarcasm in the headline, but there is also an earnestness. Who really suffers from these volatile financial markets? And for that matter, who benefits from them? In the past week, the DJIA took triple digit losses for something like six days in a row. Then yesterday, there was a nearly-quadruple-digit rally. It makes me wonder, who are the people buying and selling that number of shares? They aren't anyone I know.

Like the winners and losers on American Idol, who represent a tiny fraction of musicians and artists, it seems that in spite of how large the stock market looms in our collective consciousness, we are actually thinking about a relatively small number of people who control it. Ordinary folks just have to sit anxiously by and hope their favorite mutual fund doesn't face Simon Cowell's virulent tongue. The only difference is that the stakes are retirement, health care, and municipal works, rather than merely bearing witness to someone else's fifteen minutes of lame.

Fiddling While Rome Burns

2008-10-10T10:21:00.003-05:00

I love my Google home page. It distills a lot of information I want from the web at a glance each morning, and indeed throughout the day. And sometimes it even provides me with great ironic content as well. Take this collection of news stories:
Six headlines. Four of them grimly confirm the economic crisis that has the world by the throat, one of them illustrates the dangers of unchecked government spying. And then there's this: "McCain Joins Attacks on Obama Over Radical." 5600 related stories! There is a global financial crisis, war and genocide and terrorism are rampant, domestic spying is on the rise, civil liberties are being systematically eroded, and the best McCain can do is to perform a "guilt-by-association" hatchet job on Obama.

Maybe Nero wasn't so bad after all.

Grampa Jim

2008-10-05T17:56:00.008-05:00

My grandpa died today.

One of the many difficult things that comes with dealing with a death in the family is an awareness that there have been words left unsaid and deeds left undone. My relationship with him feels somehow unfinished, and now it must remain so. I suppose one cannot truly "finish" a relationship. But it hurts to feel the loss of someone so dear and so lively in heart and mind. There were many things I would have yet liked to have learned from him, and I long to hear more tales from his life in his own words.

I am grateful to have known him and I am very proud to be counted among his grandchildren.

Right About The Right, Again

2008-09-17T13:44:00.008-05:00

Sometime late in the morning four years ago, the day after the disastrous 2004 presidential election, a friend sent me an email which decried the gulf of difference between ourselves and the average voter.

There is a large sector of the American public (51%, I guess) that is uninterested in facts. I'm not saying they're necessarily dumb, but they simply are not interested in weighing evidence or critical thinking. They believe what they believe, and for them, it all turns on social issues... [in that context,] the only way to win would be to sacrifice the social issues... In the meantime, we have no choice but to keep fighting for reason, science, and decency, or else just move to Canada. Obama 2008.

Obama in 2008? What a dreamer. And yet here we are! He gets full credit for calling that one.

I bring up his sagacity because we exchanged some email today about some quotes in the New York Times. In an article about the election, one church-going Catholic seriously asked, "are they going to make it the Black House?" And another: "She said she’s never voted, and was a teenage mom "like Bristol." She likes Sarah [Palin] because she’s "down home" but said Obama "gives me the creeps. Nothing to do with the fact that he’s black. He just seems snotty, and he looks weaselly." This is who we might be going to the polls with in November?

My friend wrote of these shameful (shameless?) pronouncements:

...if we [Democrats] don't [win the 2008 election], it won't be because we don't have a good candidate, or that he didn't run a good campaign. It's just that there are more of *them* than there are of us. And worse, they're outbreeding us by a fairly wide margin.

Goddammit, I suspect he's right again. It sounds a lot like Idiocracy, doesn't it?

I Was Wrong (Again)

2008-09-04T09:07:00.014-05:00

Since Friday I've been saying that John McCain's selection of Sarah Palin was a desperation move that surely marked the end of any Republican aspirations to keep the White House in this year's election. How could an unknown, first-term governor from one of the least populous states in the country be a legitimate choice for VP? It seemed like the ultimate gimmick, designed to grab disgruntled Clinton voters away from Obama, and shake up a race whose outcome was all-but-determined.

Boy was I off the mark. But I've been wrong before, and I'm sure it will happen again. Here's the truth: Palin is a dynamic, funny, engaging, and charismatic speaker, possessed with self-confidence and poise. She's got toughness and pride and broad appeal, and she is certainly a far more inspired and daring choice than Joseph Biden, Obama's running mate. And still more - she has the social- and religious-conservative bona fides that McCain lacks that so energizes the Republican base. She may actually be the best choice McCain could have made in a challenging election year for Republicans.

Already the media machine has been charmed: instead of an honest exploration of her hypocritical and invasive policies, and her wrongheaded views on science and the environment, news consumers have been treated to the most simplistic of narratives about her: that she is a hockey mom who has been judged and mistreated by the democratic establishment and the liberal media.

I have watched only a bit of news since Friday, but I have heard repeated countless instances of hand-wringing that Palin's family should be off-limits, and that Palin should not be criticized for being a working mother of five and accepting the offer to be McCain's running mate. Here's my question: who criticized her for being a working mother? I would love to see the sound bites. Because I don't believe any such criticism actually happened.

Instead, reporters have asked her and everyone around her soft-headed questions like "do you think it's fair to be criticized for being a working mother of five?" Does anyone honestly think that there is more than one answer to that bullshit?

Here's a question for Palin that should not be off limits. "Studies have shown that there is a direct correlation between a lack of comprehensive sex education and teen pregnancy rates. This statistic has played itself out in your own life. As an opponent of sex education, how do you respond to that?"

I'd like someone in the "liberal media" to ask that question, please.

Pseudointellectual Property

2008-09-03T13:05:00.008-05:00

After living with my mom for almost a year, I finally have my own place. But now that I'm moving in, I'm beginning to realize just how few practical possessions I have. I have many games, books, comics, CDs, DVDs, tapes, LPs, posters, and miniatures, as well as two musical instruments, two computers, and other hobbyist equipment. But I have almost nothing in the way of bookshelves, towels, flatware, bed sheets, or things to sit on.

I'd better get to work on that.

Feminists Flock to Anti-Choice Former Beauty Queen

2008-09-02T10:51:00.006-05:00

Thanks to John McCain's maverick choice for his vice-presidential running mate, enraged Hillary Clinton supporters have found the feminist voice they had sought in Clinton, and are rallying under the McCain/Palin banner in overwhelming numbers.

Ok, sorry. I always wanted to write an Oniony headline and story. Seriously though, McCain's choice makes his campaign seem even more desperate than I thought possible. This is not going to tip the scale in his favor. It is a laughable and apparently ill-considered move.

Game over, dude.

No Uglies, Please

2008-08-12T07:23:00.006-05:00

Apparently Ashlee Simpson and Milli Vanilli aren't the only ones who do it. The plucky, cute nine-year-old who performed "Ode to the Motherland" during the Opening Ceremony of the Olympics was just pretending! But here's the real kicker - she wasn't lip-syncing to her own voice, because it wasn't even her voice to begin with!

The girl who actually sang the song was deemed too ugly to perform, so they put a prettier girl on stage. Said the show's musical director: "[she] was used [in place of the actual singer] because it was in the best interests of the country." Wow. Talented enough to sing in front of the entire world at nine years old, but told she's too ugly to be on stage? Sign this poor girl up for therapy.

A Spectacular Contrast Of Then And Now

2008-08-06T23:30:00.003-05:00

In this amnesic age of sixty-second sound bytes, one-hour debates, twenty-four hour news cycles, and the daily scramble to follow current oil prices and stock quotes, one would do well to ponder at length the moral of this tale.

Centerfold and Actress Clash Over Vaccinations

2008-08-05T10:36:00.006-05:00

Playboy bunny Jenny McCarthy and actress Amanda Peet are having a media spat over whether vaccinating children is good public policy. Now, call me fucking crazy, but I would prefer that SCIENTISTS and DOCTORS debate the merits of childhood vaccinations and their impact upon public health on the news, rather than a couple of b-list celebrities. Is that too much to ask?

Get Your War On: The Animated Series

2008-08-01T15:41:00.004-05:00

View the unobstructed video here.

Space Is The Place

2008-07-29T09:31:00.009-05:00

NASA turns 50 today! They've had their share of failures and cock-ups and shortcomings, but you have to love an organization whose motto is "for the benefit of all." And I just love space. Reflecting upon space is akin to nothing less than contemplating the nature of existence itself.

A quote from the classic film The Right Stuff once admonished, "No bucks, no Buck Rogers." But do we need 'Buck Rogers' anymore? There's a lot to be learned from space exploration. But do we need astronauts to do it? The manned space program is exciting and inspiring, and I don't want to give it up. But it is so expensive relative to the unmanned space program, and the science that is done benefits few.

What should a society pay for in this age of nearly half-trillion dollar deficits? Should NASA pursue the best, most cost-effective scientific research? Or should it protect itself by funding "politically sensitive" projects? NASA isn't done wrestling with these questions. I hope they come up with a good answer.

Happy Birthday, NASA.

The Spirit Is Willing But The Flesh Is Weak

2008-07-28T13:03:00.005-05:00

My life will never be the same. I just discovered that downstairs in the cafeteria here at work, there stands a refrigerated vending machine stocked with frozen dairy treats. How can I resist the temptation of an M&M ice cream sandwich? Or a classic drumstick? And there are other choices too! I think the folks over at Aramak must be mocking me.

No! I must be strong. I need to watch what I eat and take better care of myself. I refuse to cave in to their demands that I buy and consume their delicious sundries. But still the treats sit silently in their frozen case, waiting... waiting... waiting.

Anyone got a quarter?

The Coolest Summer Movie

2008-07-16T21:55:00.006-05:00

Last night my ma and I cruised down to Riverview to beat the heat. Iron Man was playing! That is the summer superhero movie to beat. It totally rocks! But my guess is that The Dark Knight is gonna take a run at it this weekend. Let the games begin!

Ya know, I need to go to more cheap movies at the 'View. For less than the price of admission at a first-run theater, I can get a ticket, a medium popcorn, and a medium soda - more than I can drink and eat. Go value!

If God Wasn't Dead I'd Have To Kill Him Myself

2008-07-14T16:36:00.002-05:00

A friend of mine is getting a divorce. Nevermind the details. But he is a fairly religious man, and his wife is a very religious woman. And for all of my friend's faith and hope, and all of his soon-to-be-ex-wife's faith and prayers to God, their marriage cannot be saved.

They are both in a great deal of pain right now. And when I step back from my duty as a friend, all I can think is, "what a base, capricious creature God is. That is, if He existed." If "god" did exist, he would surely come to the aid of these two people, who are at bottom excellent human beings and wonderful parents.

Some prayers answered, some thrown by the board. And if a silver lining be found in unanswered prayers, then "he works in mysterious ways." Bullshit. I am so fucking tired of the closed-circuit logic of religiosity. Let's give up on imaginary friends and get real. Then we can really take care of each other.

Not Another Protest Song

2008-07-13T06:36:00.004-05:00

The other day a friend asked me if I knew about any protests against the Republican National Convention while it is in town this September. I'm sure there will be, but I don't know of any. Maybe I'm jaded, maybe I've become too cynical, but these days protests seem kind of pointless: a bunch of folks who agree with one another walking around agreeing with each other. No one else listens or even cares, and I am certain that they do not raise awareness like they once did. They have become a big echo chamber where like-minded people convene to hear themselves speak.

Every time I've been to a march or a protest, I have felt that the energy was false; I have never felt real passion or conviction in the midst of such events. These crowds belch forth narcissistic indignation that says nothing so much as "we are cool because we are fighting the man," or "look at us old hippies, we changed the world by protesting." News flash: no you aren't and no you didn't.

The friend conceded my point, but explained that he has been feeling the need to do something, anything to feel like he is making a difference. He lamented he has little to show for his foray into participatory democracy (voting, caucusing, being a delegate, writing congressmen, etc.), and that Minnesota isn't the progressive place that it once was.

I'm sympathetic to his cry: what can an ordinary person do to affect change in the corridors of power? Year after year, polls tell me that Americans want progressive health care reform, a fair tax structure, a better education for their children. Why doesn't this ever happen? I've been told that "doing all you can" gives one a sense of peace and satisfaction. But for my friend, and for me, that is no comfort.

Straight to Hellboy

2008-07-12T10:08:00.001-05:00

I love Guillermo del Toro, I quite enjoyed the first Hellboy film, and I am a fan of the comic book genre. In short, I wanted to like Hellboy II, and I was well-primed to have a favorable reaction to the movie. Sadly, I found it mostly stiff and mundane. I had a few good laughs, to be sure, and the creatures and visuals were truly amazing. Hell, on one level it was an enjoyable summer movie and a great way to beat Friday's oppressive heat and humidity. But I found myself cringing at a plot device here or a badly placed bit of dialog there. And the action sequences were so long and so frenetic that they were difficult to watch. To top it all off, I kept thinking that the villain bore an uncanny resemblance to Ted Danson.

Check Back In Thirty Years

2008-07-10T11:25:00.002-05:00

I found a comical yet ominous quote the other day: "...the idea that 95% of content on the net is free is not sustainable. We don't believe that society can allow the free consumption of content to persist," [Geoff Taylor, chief executive of the BPI, the body which represents the UK recording industry] said.

This sweeping statement poses an incredible array of questions. Is "free consumption of content" really a threat to civil society? Is 95% of the content on the net even free? It doesn't seem like it to me, given all the damn advertisements I have to endure. And who exactly does he mean by "society"? And what the hell does he mean by "sustainable"? Is content a non-renewable resource, like fossil fuel?

Clearly, people have grown accustomed to having unfettered access to content without being charged. In that sense, society seems to prefer free content. So how does he propose to put the genie back into the bottle? Through lawsuits? That might work for a while. But hindsight shows that shutting down Napster has had little effect on the demand for and availability of free content.

So what does all this mean? Time will tell.

Is Blogging Even Good For You Anymore?

2008-07-03T11:10:00.007-05:00

So I have a blog. So what. Big deal. Apparently 185.6 million other people do too, give or take. That probably doesn't even include people who write blogs on MySpace or Facebook.

I've been traversing the blogosphere the past couple of days. It is vast, vast, vast. Humblingly so. And whenever I start looking I can't seem to stop! I get lost in there. It can go on for a few weeks like this: following links and hop-scotching around the internets. Of course there is an endless supply of banality and worse, but in truth I am continually astonished at how many folks are churning out funny observations and insightful commentary for friends, acquaintances, perfect strangers, or even just for themselves. There is some really good writing out there, published and distributed for free and available to anyone with a computer and a desire to find it. It actually makes me sad to think of all the interesting self-published work I'm missing, simply because I don't know about it.

When I first started writing online, within two months I was contacted by a movie promoter who forwarded my review to the director of the film she was promoting! That distorted my sense of scale of the web: I thought, "damn I'm good! There ain't nothin' to this blogging! I'm gonna network and meet the right people and I'll be making money off of writing in no time!"

Ha! I have sobered up since then. It turned out that the "movie promoter" was little more than an intern seeking out the online buzz surrounding the small Icelandic film on which she worked. And looking back on it, my "review" actually kind of sucked - it wasn't even a full-on review, more of a writing exercise for the day. I think my film studies professors would have been disappointed.

Fast forward to today. Obviously I've long since come to understand how enormous the world of weblogs is. But more than that, I now appreciate that keeping a blog isn't easy, keeping it fresh and lively is still more difficult, and generating interest and holding an audience, well... You get the idea.

My point in rambling on today is to re-affirm the reason I'm here: to become a better writer, and to read and interact with other writers. That is a far more manageable and enjoyable goal.

Obama's God Problem, Part II

2008-07-01T20:31:00.004-05:00

Apparently Senator Barack Obama did not heed my advice. Instead of shelving all his talk about "God" in politics, he's actively courting this outrageous affront to the separation clause. How does supporting and enhancing the role of "faith-based initiatives" represent "change"?

We have been force-fed religion in the political sphere by the Bush Administration, and faith-based initiatives were one of the staples of this unwholesome diet. And from appointees high and low to matters of policy large and small, this administration favored religious dogma, ideology, and patronage over science, reason, and experience. It really is time for something different.

Faith-based initiatives should stay where they belong: in the churches, temples, mosques, and synagogues. Let's recall that these organizations are already tax-exempt. At least let's keep tax dollars from flowing back to these groups! Please?!? I for one would like to re-boot American politics, and Obama's rhetoric about change resonated with me. But in my eyes, coming out in favor of these initiatives is the first major blemish on the Obama Campaign.

Do Ya Wanna Dance?

2008-06-22T18:00:00.006-05:00

Do You Want To Dance turns fifty this year. Here are five amazing versions of the classic song...

I love Del Shannon's raspy growl:

Cliff Richard and the Shadows made the song sugary sweet - Bobby Darrin and Richard must have compared notes. And I love the moves of the band members. Look at the way those shoes shine!

The Ramones just rock it:

The Beach Boys take it on a surfer groove (note Dennis Wilson's use of the floor tom):

And finally, check out Bobby Freeman's soulful original, which still has power a half a century later. It's got almost an island feel to it. Thanks for a fantastic song!

Turn About Is A Bitch

2008-06-20T21:11:00.004-05:00

So John McCain is crying foul because Obama broke a campaign pledge about public financing. Boo-fucking-hoo. Republican candidates have always had an overwhelming advantage in 527 muscle. So in the past, what did they care if they spent exactly the same as Joe Democrat on the general election? They knew that they'd be able to deploy their forces of darkness to outspend their opponents, with the added bonus of avoiding responsibility for the vitriolic, misleading ads run by these political entities. A win-win for them.

Now that there is a democratic candidate who has figured out how to inspire a great number of people, and marshal relatively modest resources to raise enormous sums of money, Republicans have their undies in a wudge. Let's recall that opting out of public financing is a perfectly valid, by-the-rules thing to do. The fact that Obama did it shows me that he's gonna take the gloves off and really fight to win. That's encouraging. And while Obama isn't perfect, and he isn't some savior, he is running a very publicly-financed campaign, to my way of thinking: thousands of small donors are bankrolling his run for president.

Exactly My Thoughts

2008-06-19T09:24:00.000-05:00

Dan Savage always seems to find an interesting, funny and fresh way to talk about issues that are important to me. Take his column last week:

Homos are marrying in California as of this week (congrats to all), and should a tornado—or an earthquake or a meteor or the Incredible Hulk—flatten, say, San Francisco's City Hall during a big gay wedding, respected leaders of the religious right will rush to cable broadcast studios to insist that the tornado/earthquake/meteor/Hulk was God's divine judgment, His righteous wrath, the Baby Jesus' latest temper tantrum, wocka wocka wocka.

"I believe that the judgment of God is a very real thing," said the Rev. John Hagee, John McCain's ex-BFF, when asked about Hurricane Katrina, which struck New Orleans just before a "massive homosexual rally," a.k.a. an annual street party called "Southern Decadence," was supposed to take place in the French Quarter. "I believe that the Bible teaches that when you violate the law of God, that God brings punishment sometimes before the day of judgment. And I believe that Hurricane Katrina was, in fact, the judgment of God against the city of New Orleans."

And God got his way: By drowning all those little old ladies in their attics in the Ninth Ward, God prevented that massive gay rally—for one year.

So how does a douchebag like Hagee explain away the tragedy in Iowa last week? A tornado struck a Boy Scout camp, killing four and injuring scores more, and the Scouts are famously anti-gay and anti-atheist. Well, we need only to consult the same interview with Rev. Hagee to learn the answer: While all natural phenomena represent God's "permissible will," says Hagee, "it is wrong to say that every natural disaster is the result of sin… No man on Earth knows the mind of God."

See how that works? Not every natural disaster is the result of sin, you see, because sometimes natural disasters happen to us, not just to them, and when they happen to us, well, the Lord sure moves in mysterious ways, and no man on Earth knows the mind of God. But let a natural disaster strike San Francisco this week, next week, or ever again, and Rev. Hagee will be able to read the mind of God like it was a large-print edition of Highlights For Children.

That cracks my shit up!

Dead Letter Office

2008-06-18T21:02:00.006-05:00

Over the year and a half that I have writing a blog, I have accumulated over thirty drafts that await publication, revision, or deletion. I really ought to do something about these orphans.

There are many reasons why I abandon a piece. Most often, I read the post and find it to be lacking in interest, humor, factual research, or passion. Other times I leave it because I find a piece that says what I was going to write, usually with more elegance (there are a lot of good writers out there!). There are times when I hesitate, and then the subject becomes no longer topical. Then there are those occasions when I simply forgot what my point was, or I have just plain run out of gas that day.

So what do other writers do when they start an essay but run into these sorts of roadblocks? Or do they simply avoid them altogether before they begin a post? Do most writers finish every essay that they begin? I invite you to share experiences and opinions in dealing with these questions.

Invasion From Planet K!

2008-06-15T10:45:00.003-05:00

I finally finished the video I said I would be working on. Enjoy!

Three Strikes and You're Out

2008-06-12T12:51:00.004-05:00

The Bush Administration got told "no" again.

<nelsonlaugh>Ha ha</nelsonlaugh>

Do You Want To Be A Good World Citizen Or Not?

2008-06-09T10:31:00.005-05:00

Europeans are very pleased to say goodbye to George W. Bush. Not surprising! I've lived through seven presidents. In my lifetime I don't think the world has been happier to bid good riddance to an American president. My experiences abroad have suggested to me that most folks like the American people and all things American well enough, but they despise our leaders and our foreign policies.

Let's do something about that.

He's Got A Point

2008-05-31T11:11:00.002-05:00

A friend gave me Black Swan Green for my birthday. I just started it and it's good so far. Early in the book, Jason, the story's twelve-year-old narrator, dismisses the plot of Superman II with a keen observation:

Clark Kent gives gives up his powers just to have sexual intercourse with Lois Lane in a glittery bed. Who'd make such a stupid swap? If you could fly? Deflect nuclear missiles into space? Turn back time by spinning the planet in reverse? Sexual intercourse can't be that good.

Hard to argue with that.

It's Really Hard To Believe, But We'd Better Do Something About It Now

2008-05-26T19:27:00.003-05:00

There are vast swirling masses of plastic waste in the Pacific Ocean. How vast? Big enough to cover the whole of the continental United States. Twice. Holy shit.

Yesterday I was at the Sculpture Garden at the Walker Art Center playing miniature golf. At the second hole, Water Hazard (incidentally created by an architect of my acquaintance), my brother told me about this "island of garbage" four thousand miles across floating in the Pacific Ocean. I could not believe him. I refused to believe him. But while it turns out that the term "soup" is more accurate than "island," this mass's existence and size are horrifying realities.

A call to action for myself and everyone: reduce your plastic waste. Now.

As If We Need Something Else To Make Air Travel Suck Even Harder

2008-05-22T10:30:00.004-05:00

American Airlines is going to start charging for all checked baggage. Industry experts predict that all of the other major carriers will implement similar changes. Ugh. People already tend to carry on far too much shit, which slows security lines, boarding, and deplaning, and generally makes what is always an uncomfortable ride even more painful. This change will exacerbate all of these problems as people clamor to avoid checking luggage to save the surcharge. Dumbasses.